Dammit

I'm so depressed. Why doesn't anything ever work for me?

This is what happened yesterday.

Me and my friends Thomas and Christy went to the movies.

When we went to the movies, Christy told Thomas to make a move on me.

It doesn't make any sense.

She knows that I like him. I know that she likes him too. I also know that he likes her.

But why, though?

He held my hand, he touched my knee, he sat next to me, he let me wear his jacket, he hugged me, and he even told me he liked me.

But what's the point?

He didn't have to do any of that.

It's like he just led me on.

I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but he is.

I'm so sad.

I should have expected this to happen..

I knew that they liked each other.

Haha, I'm such an idiot!

Even though I'm so sad, I still choose to support them, and to encourage them.

Haha.

Guess what though?

They're going out now.

That makes me feel even worse.

I don't even wanna talk to them anymore.

iPhoneからの投稿

Spring Break

My Spring Break was shitty.

I barely did anything.

I met a cute Chinese guy at the Library (because my sister was tutoring
him on his English).

His name is Daiqang Xu



He's really cute

But, I saw two girls from school that I don't like.

I walked away pretty fast.

Then I saw my sister's ex's fat ugly poser girlfriend. (Whale)

I saw her when I went to the manga section.

At first, I was all like, oh my god!
Scary emo looking people!

And then, the Whale saw my sister.

Then, she said "OH, WELL WE'RE LEAVING!"

What a bitch!

I was really pissed off.

While I was reading, and my sister was tutoring Daiqang, I saw my friend
Monique! (Kitty-chan)

She told me that her and her boyfriend were on hiatus.

I felt so bad, since they were so in love.

I can't really do anything to help them...

I wish I could help...

I barely have any experience of "being in love".

I wish I could seriously "fall in love".

Augh...

Anyways...

I went to the Dogwood Festival

I saw the Vice Principle of my school.

I saw one of the girls I saw at the Library again.

She poked me and complimented my sister's hair.

WHICH I DYED OF COURSE!

I want some funnel cake now...

And I want a chocolate dipped cheesecake.

Damn. I'm fat.

I need to lose weight.

Hmmm...

I saw Ben today.

He's soooo cute ~

I didn't even know he was there!

I noticed, that every guy I like, I don't talk to.

There's no way they'll like me back if I don't talk to them.

I'm such a pussy.

I get scared too easily.

I felt like I was being stalked at the Commisary by my friend Remo.

I was actually afraid to go into the Commisary.

I'm not allowed in the PX (the store connected to it)

I thought I was gonna be charged. Haha.

I guess that's enough for today, right?

I don't want to go back to schoolllllll!



Sarang Hae ~
(Korean)

Broken Heart

My heart is broken.

The one who I liked, has someone else.

Hyun Joon Park.

He's apparently going out with a girl named Kayla
in our 3rd Period, Gym/Health.

How depressing.

I honestly thought that he liked me somewhat.

He used to always look back at me when I stared at him.

He fooled me.

I thought I actually had a chance with him, but no.

I didn't.

I really did like him.

Or maybe, was it just admiration?

I could never imagine being with him.

It would've been the perfect dream.

But my dream was ruined.

I do not hate Kayla; but I do dislike her.

She took him away.

I never had him in my grasp, but I claimed him as mine.

I didn't even know him...

I wasn't his friend either, but why did like I him?

I don't know his type.

I didn't know what he liked.

It doesn't matter does it?

The fact that he's only 3 years older than me?

The fact that I'm not the prettiest little girl in the world?

That's fine.

I don't care about him anymore.

I found out this week, during 3rd period, that they were going out.

When the 6th and 8th grade classes were outside, we were forced to play a game
with the 8th graders.

I was just standing there, waiting for my turn (which wasn't going to come)
watching them.

They were flirting---no, CAKING.

They were too loud. I could hear them, clearly.

She even called him "Joonie".

Something that I used to call him when I was madly in love with him.

I was only standing a mere yard from them.

I tried my hardest not to scream.

I just played with my hair and looked away.

I was so troubled, and confused.

I was very depressed that day.

Today made me even more depressed.

We went outside again.

He wore his sweater during school.

But when we got outside, he didn't have it on.

Then, I told myself, "Oh, he must've left it in the locker room"

But I was wrong.

I saw Kayla wearing his green jacket.

I was more than furious.

I wanted to take her face and slam it into the cement and step all over her
messed up face.

I would laugh.

Instead of doing that, I simply stood there.

I told my "3rd Period friends" (they're not really my friends, I just hang out
with them since none of my real friends aren't in that class) about it.

They didn't help at all.

It's as if they just ignored me and moved on.

I also noticed, that when I saw him during lunch, he was with Kayla again.

And later that day, I saw him in the parking lot, with Kayla.

Why?

Jealousy was eating away at my heart.

I had many chances; but I never took them.

I was afraid.

I can guess what happened to that note I gave him on Valentine's day.

He probably just skimmed through it, laughed, and then threw it away.

I'm such a fool.

As if someone like him would like me.

Haha.

It's sad.

I should get over it, shouldn't I?