Many things happened again. The best of them is that my family came to japan for short 5 days stay! I never really believed they would come since they are super busy but since mom and dad went to india for a wedding attendance it seems like they got a taste for long distance travelling hehe~ It was seriously the best birthday gift i could ever wish for :)
It was also the first time i went to see kyoto, and we also went to a ryokan, more or less unplanned since the hotels in tokyo were sold out. Sadly it didnt work out with the new apartment yet (that was a long sad stressful nightmare :/) so they had to stay n the hotels but it was a nice experience as well. However, they were all excited to go see my small apartment and instead of going around tokyo they wanted to help me rearrange it and make it more cozy! Since its now still more a warehouse than a home. We had sooo much fun and i let them try on some of my wardrobe and they helped me clean out some stuff i could decide on keeping or not etc.. now i feel so much more comfortable here, it kind of ... leaves a feeling of safety and coziness even though they are not here anymore. Made me realise how alone i am here in tokyo :/ even now cause of work mostly unavailable I rarely get to meet friends anymore.. thats why im super excited about tomorrow when im gonna have my birthday party!! Having no furniture in the apartment i went to kawasaki today to buy a second hand rug, which will hopefully be big enough for some people to sit on, and out of my futon im gonna improvise a small couch ^^ Still better than to sit on the floor, desho? Sad i couldnt surprise them with a bigger and furnished place, like a normal home should be but what is normal anyway... However, im happy, the rug is a really beautiful deep blue <3 Its the little things in life, never forget to be happy about the little things in life, then you will always be well!
Also i managed to edit the pictures of the first and second day, obviously i took way too many again haha I'm gonna keep the folder public for a few days, hope it will inspire somebody to explore more about japan, or maybe even go there! There is really no better way to spend money than on loved ones and on travelling!
For those who dont have facebook here a few~ Also i will try (IF there will be time) to write a little bit along the pics later, but honestly, having no schedule at work ever i cant make any plans at all :( But i'll do my best!
He looks like from a action movie, you just have to paste some explosions behind him and the car on fire XD
The colours are absolutely amazing!!
They said i should walk from one of those stones to the other with closed eyes! Did ^^ Maybe i will be lucky now?
I kind of like to take pictures of people recently. Nature is beautiful but its not so dynamic .. Ok those ladies maybe aren't either but it tells a little bit of a story, i wonder how their life is...
Jeez the tofu with miso was so good *______*
And there were cherry blossoms in the tofu pot ^^
here was so much nature~ I'm a nature child, if there is only concrete and metal around I get sad and depressed :/ Sometimes its difficult to keep the balance living in the city.
This was an amazing restaurant as well!! The owner came to greet us personally, I almost felt uncomfortable with all the attention ^^ They were incredibly nice (like in all the places :)) A few different people were serving us, one lady seemed incredibly concerned or .. we werent quite sure what it was. Then i said something small like daijoubu or something and suddenly her face brightened up! She aid she was so concerned because she thought nobody of us speaks japanese. Seems like we were just about as afraid of them (and all the customs and japanese rules) than they were of us ^^
One interesting thing that also happened - the second my family arrived in japan i felt no shyness or anything speaking japanese (or at least trying ^^*) I dont know, before i always felt like ... such a weeaboo trying to speak japanese, and i didnt want to "rape" people with my bad language skills so I'd usually just keep it short or speak english, but suddenly .. i dont know, i was responsible for my family so it didnt matter anymore if i was throwing mistake after mistake. Its like youd probably not jump into a big scary river just like that, ne? No matter how much people would tell you to do it. But if there would be a loved one of you drowning in the river I'm pretty sure you wouldnt think twice to jump and rescue them. Thats about how it feels ...
Jeez now its already 1:30 in the morning, maybe i should stop ...
Oh btw, tomorrow night i have my birthday party in the decdance bar, come and join if you want :)
Bought a hair curler, one of those roll up automatics! Wasnt disappointed! ^^ My hair actually gets curly which with a normal one was rather difficult; also its impossible to burn yourself, so definitely recommending! I got an used but perfect condition one from amazon for 4000yen ^^ Last time i checked in donki they were 23000 or something ...
Along a treatment to fix the damage later :P
Et voila!
Still need to figure out what hardener to use, the one i have is either already expired (can they?) or not strong enough ^^* But curling hair gives opportunity to do more hairstyle :D
So i decided to have this fluffy mess for the night out on Saturday~
Oh and this are the tights i made a few days ago ^^
I dont know why but recently im really into flowers again~ Maybe its a silent call for spring cause the weather has been really grey recently :/
So saturday me and machuu (my old guesthouse mate) decided to go a bit here a bit there, first roppongi hard rock, cove, then shibuya trump room and we thought to maybe go to shinjuku later. I havent been out for so long it was the weirdest feeling to not walk around in super elegant/business clothes with a straight face but instead giggly running down the streets in lunatic attireXD
The cocktails in the Hard Rock cafe are really cool but also pretty expensive ^^*
In cove we met some other friends and decided to take a cab to shibuya together~
Trump room was really weird ... its the first time i went to this party and there were almost only gaijins. Also when we arrived around 1 everyone seemed to be already really dunk (or high?) and the conversations you picked up here and there were the weirdest i've heard for a while O___o ... oh and i got randomly groped by a girl =___= Hmm gender equality, maybe i should smack her next time. I dont know why gay guys and girls think its completely ok to come up to you and grope or kiss you... <___< Sorry if i sound prude
Anyway, we left quite soon, direction shinjuku, dropping off some other friends in yoyogi. Thanks god the driver didnt choose meiji street, yet the mood was quite tense for a while. Also it became really really col and it was raining a bit. Not the best propositions for gypsying around town~
Well guess what, we ended up where else than Deca bar~ Its like coming home, its warm, you get to eat and drink and its not noisy, no weird people or smoke. Spent the rest of the night there with some cool nostalgic music and for some reason the staff decided it was time to cut garlic ... Oh and they have Tamagosen again!! I used to eat this soooooooo manny times!! :D
Just sad they left Christon Cafe .. the new location is in middle of host clubs in middle of kabukicho... i liked the old location more. Here you're constantly reminded of all the fakeness and dirty industry going on :/
Anyway, the flower trail doesnt end here ^^ Made some hair accessories
どう？Too much?
Oh and recently when i couldnt sleep i decided to make a top at 7 in the morning. Completely random. Its not finished yet and not really special but i kind of like it :P
Look what i did today at my friends art school!! Preparation for some future shootings ^^
It was mighty weird to have that thing on your face and i want allowed to smile otherwise it would get weird, but the guys kept on making jokes lol
Some stuff around the place, its incredibly inspiring! Generally recently (and im talking about like the last few months) i havent been hanging out with friends a lot or at any arty places .. it had a quite negative effect. This and the fact that i becae obsessed with politics, news, fairness in the world (or shall i better say UNfairness) etc - it got so extreme i spent a few nights awake (ALL night!) too angry, aggressive, tired of everything and ... i dont know, clueless what to do - the word is so so so full of wrong things, evil people, bad business, senseless laws etc ...
So
After a few meltdowns a friend suggested me to take 30 days off. Not of work but of all the news, reportages, documentaries, etc. After all, what is a little girl like me gonna change about worlds suffer? So im officially a blind sheep for the next 29 days and i have to say this last day was so incredibly relaxing *__* More fashion, art, friends, parties ... reconnection with social life; sounds good!
Sooo back to the art school, enjoy!:
Some spring on the roof, all natural ^^
I also spotted some nice balcony gardens - do as much as you want and can :) [not going any further here cause that would already count under eco - city design - laws - government - politics]
So I'm officially going out to party this weekend! We've been sitting there in school today, talking about good old time like some 80years olds >__< We are young, we need to live NOW! I need to get my inspiration and life happiness back, only offices and meetings and all the trouble in the world makes you depressed and empty.
Also, food section, as always:
Oh and like every year i've done this hair show ... this time the last time though. Hairshows - ALL of them - are extremely painful. I'd support the law that no hairstylist should be allowed to style hair which is longer than his/her own, because they dont possess the imagination of the pain level. Its the same as if I'd kick a guy in the balls and be like "oh it hurts?" then I'd do it again in 3 minutes. Also the amount of hair you loose afterward when they are taking the hairdo off is ... well frankly, insane :( (also finally once i have pictures cause a friendly staff member agreed to take pics with my camera)
(see those sticks? yes, thats real model life, keep your face straight while you're being stabbed) On the other hand i have to say that this hairstylist was the friendliest of all of the recent. Which i appreciate a lot, since most of them are very arrogant :( (and some even enjoy it making girls feel pain but im not working with those anymore and i think it shouldn't be acceptable in professional model world <__<)
Ps, another funny thing on fashionshows.
Usually you will always have a problem. Either the shoes dont quite fit, or the floor is extremely slippery, or the choreography (which you usually get to know 2 hours before the actual show, keeps on changing and you might have one try to test out before the show) is too complicated, your period is about to start, your dress is incredibly voluminous or long, the stage is moving, your hairdo is so big its ripping of the hair off your scalp -> super headache too, ...
So lets say at first you just have the problem that your hair is very heavy and it pulling. So you get a slight headache while trying to support your hairdo with your hands to relieve the tension. Shortly after they give you shoes you havent tried out before and since they only have those ones you will need to make it in those. Suddenly the hair doesnt even hurt anymore so much. Then they let you on stage and the choreographs explains how you have to walk, where you stand, how many tacts you count where, where you walk together etc. All this is also happening while you dont really speak each others languages. Also, it changes a few times cause the head designer had something else in mind but didnt have time to be at the rehearsal. So you try to memorise when you have to be where, where the music changes, where other people enter the stage and from where you count how much until you start walking. All this happens in maybe 5 minutes. General confusion. But music starts, tryout. While walking, the choreographs screams out orders in different languages. More confusion follows, translators are being called. Music is ending, many questions. If you're lucky you get another try. Sometimes you also dont have any try at all, you dont even get to see the stage, everything is being explained with hand gestures or on a piece of paper. The shoes are still a little bit of a pain but its getting better. Hair doesnt even exist anymore. Nervously you return to the backstage, as you leave first guests are starting to stream in. Show starts. In the backstage you suddenly start feeling the pulsing headache again and wonder how many times you can still pull this off until your forehead is going to look like naomi campbells (if you dont know what im talking about, check this). No idea when your part of the show starts, where is the choreography? Time to dress. Sometimes you have the chance to try the dresses out before, do a formal fitting, but sometimes you just get the right before the go. They also tend to be very long particularly for hair fashion shows. And you're lucky if they dont go into direction of Brazilian carnival look/size. AND you're very lucky if they have straps. Because you can imagine what happens if you have to wear a too big dress without any straps. Message comes trough, 30 min till show. You put on the dress. Carefully that your hair doesnt get stick in a door. To your horror the dress is too big. You test-breath out and almost flash the staff. Panic. Staff searching for sewing supplies. Dress is very well made (BCBG this time <3) so hard to sew on it. More panic. Suddenly the choreography ... no, in fact you're still damn scared about that. Not like its your 100th catwalk, confusing choreography is scary shit every and each time, specially if it has fix timings and multiple models. So now you have 2 same size problems, the rest somehow disappeared. After a few questionably successful stitches - note to yourself: keep superman chest when on stage, you can breathe when you sit down for live styling while holding your arms against the dress as un-obvious as possible (which he said he'll take extra care not to make you cry, but they all say the same). Showtime, get to the stage, last seconds, run to your position, 3, 2 , 1 GO! Everything goes well until the designer pulls you off the chair and onto the stage. But, but i was supposed to stand there for 8 tacts first! No counting anymore Walking down the catwalk, what now, how can i spread 8 missing tacts over the remaining 40 until i reach the stage again and we go in the change of the music into vougish poses! This is never gonna work!! OMG OMG OMG!! (Remember to be amazingly graceful while all this) You dont even hear the music anymore, unable to count the tacts, you just walk, you just pose, you look like a diva, like you're just taking a stroll by the decadent fairy riverside. By the time you arrive back on stage (in fact all this tool maybe 5 seconds) you loose memory, you just keep on going, not thinking, just going. Walk, stop, turn, turn, walk, walk, pose, turn, pose, walk, - see the other 4 coming on stage, oh good, new point of counting, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, turn, (omg how relaxing, finally) follow, turn, turn, follow, yeeeahhhh you regain memory and vision, also the music is coming back. Finally last picture, you stand there, trembling, trying to stand still. Designers come on stage. You still stand there, slightly changing poses, taking care you dont lose balance on the shoes (oh, the shoes) and hold your breath. Your dress is a bit low, not catastrophically though. Speeches. Many thank yous sometimes women sobbing and crying cause too much honour and happiness. Much otsukaesamadeshita. Much soshite. You pray its gonna be the last talk. And you thank your own consciousness for handling the choreography while your brain just went lala Designer hands you flowers, the paper is obviously shaking. You put all your energy into making it stop at least a bit. Your back hurts like hell of the same pose (remember you still have to keep that dress on you). Dont forget about your face expression, the tend to get weird after a while. Photos shall be taken. A combination of each person in the room, each amount of people together. It never stops. Your smile is probably a joker grimace by now. But its over. And finally. You might leave. First thought, please please put the stuff off my head, fast! All the pain comes back. But there are more cameras waiting in the back. At least you can take the shoes off. Better for the pictures too. Everyone is happy, so are you. Yess, changing time, you regain part of your dignity. And finally, the takedown. Everyone is relaxed chatting ot other pepole, looking into other directions while they are pulling things out of your head. The hair sprayed rock hard is being brushed by plastic brushes, starting straight from the top (not that anyone would think about where its smart to start brushing toupeed and sprayed hair (bottom for god sake why dont they teach this in school??!). You see hair falling. More. Panic builds up. How can it get out of this? All the time you care about your hair, you never even hurl it for events, you always go with boring straight hair and now again just in one evening, all the work, all the care, being stepped on. By that time youre are already so upset you quietly suggest them giving you a brush and you'll do it youself. They confusingly give you one and step away, while still chatting. While you brush your hair one randomly comes up to you and starts pulling apart your hair .. you're so close to punching them in the face. While still keeping a straight, polite face you move a bit away. They eventually get it. You move farther away just to be safe. Your scalp is glowing red. Shampoo time, they start rubbing on your head, it hurts so bad tears flow. You're also so upset about the unfairness, the ignorance, the low payment, all the hair you've seen on the floor, about the fake promises that they will be gentle. Luckily for you you have a towel on your face, you pretend its slipping of and try to dry off as much as possible. Making them realise that youre crying is the worst. Everyone will look at you, everyone will feel the tension in the room and that one thing Japanese people hate more than anything. They'll ask you whats wrong, and they will working exchange looks, suddenly awaking from their chatter and celebration. Yes, they will be worried, but this will make you even more emotional and it will end up as "oh that other model was a little bit upset" "oh shes a little bit tired" "poor little girl" So you try to think of other things, like how strong you are and how (insert your online nick name or whatever) doesnt cry. You also pray that makeup you still have on is strong enough. Fisiiiish, you put a tired but graceful smile on your face, wander off to makeup removal and try to get as much remover in you eyes as possible. Oh no, but thats ok, just a few tears :) I have to give kudos to that one makeup artist once who saw once that i was crying (i just kept my eyes closed cause i was still on the styling chair and dint really have any other excuse, after the rather traumatising live show where a particularly douchy insecure stylist make my hair rip apart so laud you could hear it) - she just kept on brushing them away with a makeup removal tissue and said that yes sometimes that makeup makes your eyes tear. The hair designer eventually figured it out, but a kiss on the cheek wasnt quite what i needed ... And finally finally, you're done. And yes they do guess it a little bit, they even give you free treatment products and food, but you are, in that moment and on that place, promising yourself you will never ever go trough this again. Because yes, blisters, scratches, swollen skin - all this can heal, but hair takes a long long time to regrow and get its shine back. And im not so moneyless anymore that i'd have to take each and every job. Goodbye my friends, i honestly believe it wasnt your intention, but this is nothing for me anymore; keep you bliss and your smile, but do take a moment here and there to try to feel what you make others feel.
Disclaimer: - this is a composition of different jobs, not just one. - its a general problem of the hair style industry, more attention should be paid to painless handling and health of the hair because in the end you can style wigs on dead plastic dolls and have the fanciest creations, but dont make us girls pay for your perfection and nervousness on stage, even if we get paid for it, its not worth the budget you give us, any of us - it is kind of taboo-ish to complain like that but this is the real world of modeling, girls who think life as a model is oh so nice and cool and shiny and awesome, sadly its not just that - everything has a limit!
And so the day is over. And you're angry and upset - and you just wait someone will bump into you or a guy will try to nampa you, or anything will happen where you could release all the pressure, all the agression. Because you are aggressive right now, youre a bomb ready to go off over the next innocent victim which crosses your path. And in such moment you understand why some people do stupid things like driving your ferrari drunk into a car crash and not giving a fuck, shaving your hair etc. Its revenge. Revenge for all the small lies, disappointments and unfairness that happens you you. Things which happen backstage. Behind closed doors. On meetings, via phone calls or mails. People you're supposed to depend on at work, who let you down. People who betray you. Friends who betray you, or at least you thought they are friends. People who handle you like an object. Again and again and again. People who make decisions which are not their to make, over your head. People how let out their evil curiosity on you. Lets poke this stressed and tired being, lets see what it does. And lets laugh about it later, make sure everyone can see it. Because all this doesnt matter. Because you are the one in the spotlight, not them. They run back into their rat holes, grinning. They know they will still live of you. Of your talent, of your work, of your body, of your will, morals, time, what ever it is.
So while sitting on the subway, looking grim and having all this revelation I cant even be mad on my ex anymore. Everyone is a victim. Not everyone is simply just "an asshole". Thats why some people are better off alone. And there will always be people who loose control, and they will always be people who wont understand and laugh at them. Make fun of them. Just waiting for the next scandal. And thats how the devils circle closes.
Nothing happens without a backstory, without a reason. People dont just decide to do stupid, harmful, devastating things for no reason. Its just that we dont know, because we havent been there, we havent felt it. But fine, lets go on with all that craze and keep our mind busy with scandals who involve people we never met, instead of paying attention what is happening around us, laws, environment, so uninteresting things which are truly so important.
That being said.. happier themes. I got a new lens!! This makes me do super micro shots! Stuff is suddenly mighty interesting! But its not that easy to shoot sharp and focused pictures so a lot is getting thrown away but on the other hand im still just experimenting~
Recognise that? You are using it every day!
Eyes and tongue also then to be very interesting!
Normal white screen
Dried kaki though tends to be a little bit gross, and difficult to focus ^^
However, these are nothing compared to what my sensei is doing, here his pics!
And here a closeup of a normal mosquito net
So yeah thats it for now, hope i'll be able to offer some more interesting things sometimes soon! Working on it :)
