From My Mother's Fall to Her Passing (5)

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My mother, who was receiving palliative care for lung cancer, was found by me in the morning of November 25th last year, collapsed with foam coming out of her mouth, likely from a stroke. She passed away to heaven on November 26, 2023, leaving me behind too soon.

『My beloved mother passed away on 11/26/2023.』This article has 7568 characters. (Estimated reading time: about 7 minutes and …

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This is the fifth story in this series, but I would be very happy if you would read it from the first story.

『From My Mother's Fall to Her Passing (1)』This article has 5559 characters. (Estimated reading time: about 6 minutes and …

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And now, let's begin the fifth chapter.

The Battle Against Bedsores

【November 25, 2023, night】

As I mentioned before, in order to prevent bedsores, nurses at the hospital change the position of bedridden patients who cannot turn over on their own every two hours or so.

So, I tried to change my mother's position a few times to prevent bedsores, but whenever I tried to turn her sideways, her face would contort in pain.

I was also afraid that she might vomit again, and I felt sorry for her.

So, even though I knew the visiting nurse was busy, I called her again and asked for instructions.

Following the nurse's instructions, I managed to somehow wedge a cushion under my mother's body, but she still had a look of anguish on her face.

I told the nurse about this, and following her instructions, I adjusted the height of the pillow and straightened her airway, and her face suddenly became calm.

I'm not sure what the exact cause was, whether it was from taking care of my mother, carrying heavy equipment and luggage by myself to continue my live activities last year, or from carrying multiple eco-bags by myself while shopping at multiple supermarkets on a daily basis, but I hurt my back a little while ago, around the first half of October 2023.

Changing my mother's position was quite a strain on my back, but I didn't even mind that.

By the way, my back pain has gotten much better now, but I haven't received any treatment for it, so the back pain itself is not cured. I've been using painkillers and patches to deal with it when the pain gets worse.

A Meal at Last: What Did I Eat?

【November 26, 2023, 00:00 AM】

I was finally able to have a meal around the time the clock struck midnight.

As I mentioned in Part 4, "From My Mother's Fall to Her Passing (4)," I had forgotten to buy groceries for myself, and there was nothing to eat in the refrigerator. So, I searched the kitchen for something to eat, and I found a single instant noodle cup that I had bought earlier. I ate that.

She Was Still Breathing

【November 26, 2023, 00:30 a.m.】

Convinced that my mother would remain in this state for the foreseeable future, I decided I couldn't stay up all night nursing her and went to bed.

I would have liked to sleep close to my mother, but her room was filled with her hospital bed and there was no space to spread a futon.

Our rooms were directly across from each other, separated only by a small landing on the third floor.

So, I decided to sleep with both my door and my mother's door open so that I could hear her immediately if anything changed.

Before getting into bed, I checked on my mother again.

She was still breathing with the same "pu-pu" sound from her lips, and I didn't notice any change in her condition, so I went to bed.

My Mother Passed Away Peacefully

【November 26, 2023, 02:30 AM】

I went to bed, but my nerves were on edge and I couldn't sleep at all.

However, there was no sound of my mother suffering from her room, and it remained quiet all the time.

I kept checking on my mother's room throughout the night.

When I went downstairs to the bathroom on the second floor because I needed to use the toilet, I saw that the clock read 2:30 AM.

Before going back to my room on the third floor, I tried to enter my mother's room to check on her.

The light in my mother's room was off, but the light from the staircase bulb was shining into the room and illuminating my mother's face, so I could see her condition at a glance.

The foam that had collected at the corner of my mother's right mouth was already dry, and I immediately understood what was happening.

Yes, by that time, my mother had already passed away quietly on her own.

Confirmation of My Mother's Passing

I turned on the light in the room and approached my mother.

Gently, I touched her face and found that it was already cold.

I checked for her breath, but she was not breathing.

I also checked her pulse for good measure, but there was no pulse either.

This incident happened about a month after I finished my last live performance for the season, and it was around the time I was thinking about how I was going to balance my music career with taking care of my mother in the next season.

『Castle Park Street Live:Last of the Season 10/22』This article has 13395 characters. (Estimated reading time: about 17 minutes an…

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At that time, my mother's lung cancer had not progressed that far, and I thought that my mother would not die for a long time, and that she would die of lung cancer when she did.

So I couldn't imagine that she would die suddenly from a brain disorder (probably a stroke), and when I finished my last live performance of the season, I was completely convinced that my mother would be alive for the next season.

And then, my mother passed away.

Ascertainment of Death

【November 26, 2023, 3:46 a.m.】

I made a final call to the visiting nurse.

A little while later, my attending physician arrived.

The doctor looked at my mother and then quietly said, "Time of death: 3:46 a.m." while looking at his watch.

He then wrote out the death certificate and spoke to me for a while before leaving.

My mother had already passed away at 2:30 a.m., so it seems that the time of death on the death certificate is the time the doctor confirmed her death.

And the cause of death was listed on the death certificate as "lung cancer." The doctor said, "I'm sure she died of a stroke or something else in her brain, but there is no evidence of foul play, so we won't be doing an autopsy to determine the cause of death. So I'll put down lung cancer as the cause of death."

I wondered if, to someone who didn't know my mother's last moments, it would be recorded in history that she died of lung cancer instead of a stroke.

This is one of the reasons why I decided to write about this on my blog.

Body and Haer Care

After that, I asked the nurse to wipe my mother's body.

I decided to wait outside the room while she did this.

Later, when the nurse was washing my mother's hair, I helped her by holding my mother's head up.

What I Said to My Mother Who Was No Longer Speaking

After that, I stayed by my mother's side until the morning.

Since my mother was in palliative care for lung cancer, I thought she would gradually weaken and pass away.

I'm sure she thought so too.

However, she died suddenly from a stroke.

After my mother was told she couldn't be cured of her lung cancer and entered palliative care, she told me that she would leave me a written record of anything she needed to tell me.

However, the cause of my mother's death was not lung cancer, but rather a sudden death, probably from a stroke.

It was a sudden and unexpected death for us, her children, like a bolt from the blue.

Therefore, my mother left nothing in writing.

I had thought that the day would come when I would have to tell my mother words of gratitude that I couldn't quite say to her, and things I wanted to apologize for, but she passed away so suddenly that I ended up not being able to say anything to her.

I finally said some of it after she lost consciousness and collapsed.

Even while my mother was unconscious, I talked to her about many things that I couldn't say while she was conscious.

There are many things that are difficult to say even when someone is alive, even if they are unconscious.

So, even though it was too late, I spoke to my mother's body again after she was laid to rest.

I told her many things that I had never been able to say before, such as my gratitude for giving birth to me, for raising me, for the things I wanted to apologize for, for the memories I wanted to talk about more, and so on.