These days my condition has been so bad.
I've been filled up with so much frustration and my nerve also been strange.
All of them are due to my English skills.
I don't know it is just stagnation or not.
My last TOEFL was sooooo bad and it could not reflect my pain for this 2months.
I've not known how I break through this situation.
What is bad and good? I do not know.
So, owing to the above reasons, I've really not wanted to go abroad.
I said to mom that I wanna stay here
and I can not find the specific reason to go abroad wth delaying my job-hunting.
Well....so I've bothered to everyone around myself.
My mom, seminar friends, my best friend......
Everyone worried about me and called or mailed repeatedly.
Now when I look back myself for this 3days,
I notice that I was really childish.
I have to push my feeling back and can not bother others.
I have to notice that my situation would not be much of problem.
I have to strength myself and do not be selfish.
Anyway my motivation rised today
because I went to American Embassy.
That made me feel like going to America.
The atmosphere was American one,
I mean.... the smell of fregrance of foreigners
or of detergents that foreigners use.
It made me remind of my first trip to America
when I was 15.
It is stating point of everything.
I could remind that
how much I like America
how much I like to speak English
how wonderful to talk with foreigners with English...
Such things are vigor for me to keep running.
I keep it mind and I want to start over my study.