Being myself


(originally posted on 2016.9.1 | 12:12:01)



I am Mao Kobayashi.     

I decided to start a blog today, which actually surprised my family.   



I was encouraged by my doctor who recently said to me; 


Dont hide behind cancer.


Her advice made me realize what had happened.  Ever since my cancer diagnosis, as time goes by, my identity as a cancer patient had dominated my mind and life. 



Once I get over it, I shall be able to go back to being how I was before.  

So, until then, I would keep it a secret.  No one necessarily finds out about my illness. I just do not want to make people concerned.



Yet, unexpectedly, the news about my breast cancer got out to the public. But I tried even harder to hide behind the disease. I tried to retire myself and put me in a very small box. 



It is all my responsibility. 



I want to be a woman who lives my life colorfully.

I want to be a noble and strong mother to my children. 



That is why I have decided to break up with myself who was overshadowed.

It may sound a very selfish and shameful reason, and I apologize for that.

However, I am glad myself that I am committed to being who I am. 



Its been over a year since I was diagnosed with cancer.  I sometimes feel hopeless when I look at my children playing vigorously while my body stops moving.


Should there be any mother who feels guilty like; 


I am sorry for not being able to be with you all the time.

I am sorry for not being able to take care of you.   


I want you to know that I am in the same shoes as you are.




Thank you for reading my blog.