written by the runner of ちょっと訳して.com
本日のスーパー便利英語： 「～の術」
今日、病院帰り、オムライス大好き老母がなんのヒネリもなく
オムライス食べたい、と言ったので、
近所のオムライス専門店に行ったんス。
実は、病院でしてくりゃいいのに、まだイケルと思って
車に乗り込んでしまった筆者、オムライス屋到着時には
信じられないぐらいおトイレに行きたくなってたっス。
なのに「すぐ片付けっからおめーら待ってろ」って言われて
待ってたら結構待たされて、もー筆者内心
「クウォー！！！」
とか言いながら暴れる自分をクールな表情の下に押し隠し、
メニューを、実は全然見れてないけど見てるふりなどしつつ待ち、
10分ぐらい待ってとうとう「漏れそうなんじゃい」とは言えないスから：
「アタシはともかくいつまでうちのこのヨボヨボのバーさん立たせとくつもりなんスか！」
系のことをもうちょっと丁寧に訴えてやっと席に着き、必死のパッチで
メニューを決めて、またもや全く焦りを感じさせない態度で
お手洗いへ行ったっス。
なのにッス！！
女子トイレのカギのとこが赤くなってたッス！！
超ショックだったスけど、仕方ないからギクシャクと1歩下がって
待ちの態勢に入ったッスけど、内心「ギョワー」って叫んでたッス。
しかもッス！！これが待てど暮らせど出て来ないんス！！
筆者の右手にはさっきから男子トイレが、男子トイレがカギのとこ青いままに
涼やかに立っていて、筆者をいざなうんス！！
筆者、もーかれこれ信じられないことにトイレの前に来て10分ほども経ってしまったんスよ！！
そんな筆者の右手にカギのとこの青さ輝く男子トイレが端然とあるのって、辛いっス！！
筆者、とうとう生まれて初めて大阪のおばちゃんの常套手段：
”「今だけ男、今だけ男。」といいながら男子トイレ利用”
デビューしてしまうのかと、筆者、とうとう本格的にそこへ入って行ってしまうのかと、
にじむ汗をぬぐいつつ、極限の心理の中で考え始めたッス。
そうこうしてるうちにもう15分ほどもたってしまうんではないか、という
信じられない状況に苦しみ中の筆者に、突然ウエートレスさんが
「お手洗い待たれてます？もしよかったら男子トイレも中は同じですから使ってください。」
って言ってくれて、筆者「今だけ男」の術を使わないで堂々と男子トイレに
入れて、無事用を済ませることができたんス！！ はー、バクハツするかと思ったッス。
席に戻ったら老母寝てたッス。
さー、それからあんた、筆者の席からトイレの入り口が丸見えなんスけど、
いつまでたってもいつまでたってもいつまでたってもいつまでたっても
トイレの女は出て来ないんスよね。
多くの人がトイレまで行っては空しく帰っていったり、
あるいは「今だけ男」の術を使って用を足したりして、
とうとう筆者らの注文の品が来て、食べ終わるまで、トイレの女は出て来なかったッス。
これは中でハンパなくヤベエこと起こってるに違いないッスって思ったから、お会計の時に、
「あの、余計なことかもしれねんスけど、便所に入ってる人、少なくとも45分ぐらい
出て来ねっスから、これ、中でマジヤベエこと起こっちゃってっかも知れねって思うんスが！」
ってことをもうちょっと上品に言ったら、
さっき「男子トイレ使ってよし」って言った女が
「あ、あれ、カギ壊れてるんですよ。」
ってシャアシャアと言ったッス！！！！！！！！
そんなこととも知らず、
”トイレ極限我慢のあとだんだん心から心配”
という大変なオムライスを食ってしまった筆者の苦労、
プライスレスッス！
あのな、
貼り紙をしろ。
記 ネット翻訳サービス ちょっと訳して.com
運営者
Today was astonishingly springish, wasn't it?
After the hospital, Mom, who's a rice omelet lover said, just as expected,
that she wanted to eat rice omlet for lunch.
So, we went to a nearby rice omlet place.
I know I should have gone to a toilet in the hospital, but I didn't
because I thought I'd be OK, and as a result, by the time we arrived at
the restaurant, my need was unbelivably urgent.
But seats were not ready and we had to wait.
Although I was rampaging around screaming something like "Quohhhhh!!!" inside my mind,
I was looking like I wasn't holding anything at all, and pretending as if
I was looking at the menu while I was in no state to pay attention to whatever
was written in that menu.
After about 10 minutes, we were seated, I managed to place an order in a hurry,
and at last, I walked to the toilet as if I was in no hurry at all.
But.....!!
The little indicator window under the knob of the lady's room door was RED!!
I was devastated by the sight, but since there was nothing else I could do other than wait,
I walked back a few steps and started to wait again screaming something like
"Gyouwaaaaahhhhh" inside. But however long I waited, no one came out!!
To my right, there was a gent's room since I started to wait. A gent's room
with the indicator blue, tempting me to use it!!!
By then it had already been about astonishing 10 minutes since I started to wait!!!
And there the gent's with the indicator so blue was looking so totally available,
and it made it very difficult for me to wait!!
Was that the time I finally become the real Osakan mid-age woman and use their typical
technique for this kind of situation, that is to use gent's room saying:
"I'm a man now, I'm a man now."??
Was that the time I entered into that direction??
I really started to think above in an extreme state of mind and with sweat running
down my cheak (This sweat part isn't real.)
It was when almost 15 minutes had passed when a waitress suddenly came and said:
"Have you been waiting for the toilet to be vacant? You can use the gent's.
It's the same inside as the lady's."
Thus I could use the gent's without using the I'm-a-man-now technique
and finally finish what I had to finish!!
Whew, I thought I was gonna explode.
I went back to our seats and found Mom napping.
Now, from where I was seated, the toilet was clearly observed,
and the lady who should be in the toilet didn't come out
no matter how much time had passed.
Many went to use the toilet in vain, or some used the
I'm-a-man-now technique. We finished our lunch, and she never came out .
―Something bad was going on in that toilet room!
At the cashier, I said to the same waitress who told me to use the gent's:
"I hate to be a busybody, but someone is in that toilet room for
more than 45 minutes now and I'm worried."
And, are you ready for this?? This is what she said:
"Oh, the lock is broken."
She had some nerve to say something like this to me, huh!!
I waited for the damn thing to go available for almost 15minutes
holding my goddamn pee in my bladder whose capacity was so totally
smaller than the volume of THE pee??!!
I was worried that some woman was desperately waiting for someone
to break the door to help her, or maybe dead on the pot for some time
when in reality it was just that goddamn busted lock stupidly keeping showing
the red thing in its indicator window??!! -During my entire lunch time??!!
And I pay you the price for the stupid omlet??!!
You know what?
For God's sake put a note on the door.
written by the runner of ちょっと訳して.com