Touben: Good evening everyone! We're Ludwig Ben and Touben!
Ben: Cheers, lovely to be here!
Touben: Now, my colleague Ludwig Ben here works a proper day job, don't you?
Ben: I do indeed. Middle management at a trading company, sales division.
Touben: Very respectable. But here's the thing - I've heard some rather concerning reports about your workplace behavior.
Ben: What? I'm a model employee!
Touben: Are you though? Because I've been told you fell asleep in last Monday's morning meeting.
Ben: I absolutely did not! I was engaging in what I call "strategic eye closure" - you absorb auditory information far better when visual distractions are eliminated.
Touben: That's literally just sleeping with extra steps.
Ben: It's a legitimate concentration technique! When I close my eyes, I can focus purely on the acoustic data being presented.
Touben: Right. And the snoring? Was that also part of your "technique"?
Ben: That was simply... rhythmic breathing associated with deep cognitive processing.
Touben: You were asleep! Your boss had to physically shake you awake!
Ben: He startled me out of an important analytical state!
Touben: You were having a kip in the middle of a budget review!
Ben: Look, you don't understand - these meetings go on for hours! We start at nine, I blink, suddenly it's noon.
Touben: Three-hour meetings are rather excessive.
Ben: And here's the kicker - the entire thing could've been an email! Fifteen minutes of actual content stretched into three hours of corporate theatre.
Touben: How does that even happen?
Ben: The division head starts with "if I could just say a quick word" - which is management-speak for "I'm about to hold you hostage for forty-five minutes with stories from 1987."
Touben: The war stories, yes.
Ben: "Back in my day, we did door-to-door sales, none of this email nonsense!" Mate, this is 2025, not the Thatcher era!
Touben: Different world entirely.
Ben: Then the deputy head chimes in: "I completely agree with everything you've just said." He hasn't said anything yet! It's just pre-emptive sycophancy!
Touben: Brown-nosing at its finest.
Ben: And the team leader goes, "My thoughts exactly" - your thoughts? You haven't had a thought since 2019!
Touben: Just going through the motions.
Ben: Then, after three hours of this pantomime, the boss asks: "Right, so what's our action plan?"
Touben: Wait, what were you discussing for three hours then?
Ben: Your guess is as good as mine! You were the one talking!
Touben: The whole meeting was pointless!
Ben: So I finally escape back to my desk, and my inbox has exploded. Sixty-three new emails.
Touben: In three hours?
Ben: And half of them are in a chain labeled "RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:" - it's like email archaeology!
Touben: How many times can people reply to one message?
Ben: First email: "Thanks for your time." Second: "No problem at all." Third: "Much appreciated." Fourth: "Happy to help."
Touben: This could've been a text message!
Ben: I scroll down to the bottom - the original message is just: "Can we schedule next week's meeting?"
Touben: That's it?!
Ben: Seventeen replies to arrange one meeting! Nobody knows who agreed to what because everyone just hits "reply all" like it's a reflex!
Touben: Corporate email culture is broken.
Ben: Afternoon comes, I've got client visits with my senior colleague. The moment we get in the taxi - lights out. He's unconscious.
Touben: Hang on, you're criticizing him? You were asleep in the meeting!
Ben: That was strategic! This bloke's genuinely gone, mouth hanging open, possibly drooling.
Touben: Sounds familiar somehow...
Ben: But here's the thing - we arrive at the client's office, and suddenly he's transformed. Absolutely switched on. "Right then, let's show them what we're made of!"
Touben: Impressive recovery time.
Ben: In the meeting, he's brilliant. "Our product offers industry-leading performance metrics and unparalleled ROI potential..."
Touben: Proper salesman mode.
Ben: But the taxi home? Out cold again. It's like someone's flicked a switch.
Touben: Pavlovian response to taxis.
Ben: We get back to the office around five. I'm thinking, "Right, home time, lovely." But then...
Touben: Oh no.
Ben: The boss goes, "Could everyone gather round for a quick debrief?"
Touben: The dreaded end-of-day meeting.
Ben: "Quick" is management code for "at least an hour." Everyone has to give a five-minute report - except nobody's report is actually five minutes.
Touben: Time is a social construct in these meetings.
Ben: Ten people, supposedly five minutes each - we're there until half-six!
Touben: That's overtime, surely.
Ben: Finally wrapping up, boss says "Right, let's call it a day" - blessed relief! Then the deputy head goes, "Boss, fancy a quick pint?"
Touben: No! Escape while you can!
Ben: And the boss - every single time - "Oh go on then! Everyone coming?"
Touben: That's not a question, that's a command.
Ben: I try the old "Actually, I've got plans this evening..." and he hits me with: "What's wrong, don't you like spending time with the team?"
Touben: Emotional manipulation!
Ben: So I'm guilt-tripped into the pub. Order a pint, thinking maybe it won't be too bad...
Touben: Optimistic.
Ben: The boss starts another story. "You know, when I started in this business..."
Touben: Here we go again!
Ben: "...we worked twelve-hour days minimum, weekends included, that's how you showed commitment!"
Touben: That's not commitment, that's a labor violation!
Ben: About eight o'clock, I attempt an exit strategy: "Right, probably should make a move..."
Touben: Reasonable hour to leave.
Ben: "Leave? The night's young! One more round!"
Touben: He's holding you hostage!
Ben: We're there until eleven. I'm sprinting for the last train home.
Touben: And then the next morning...
Ben: Nine AM meeting. Strategic eye closure recommences.
Touben: You mean sleeping! Just admit you were asleep!
Ben: Look, this is the reality of being a salaryman. It's a never-ending cycle: pointless meetings, email avalanches, unpaid overtime, mandatory "optional" drinking sessions.
Touben: Sounds absolutely grim.
Ben: It's Sisyphean! Every day, pushing the same boulder up the corporate mountain.
Touben: Is there nothing good about it?
Ben: Well... there is one thing. Friday evenings.
Touben: What happens Friday evenings?
Ben: After I escape the office, there's this little pub I go to - just me, nobody from work.
Touben: Your sanctuary.
Ben: I order a cold pint and some proper chips. And for just that moment, when I take that first sip and bite into those hot, crispy chips...
Touben: Yes?
Ben: Everything else fades away. It's absolute perfection. The beer, the chips...
Touben: Go on.
Ben: It's just... "Yummy!"
Touben: "Yummy!"
Both: Thank you, you've been wonderful!
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Created with Claude
Title image created with Microsoft Copilot
日本語版はこちら
https://blog.kuma-farm-japan.jp/article/518714166.html?1761447207