[chapter 198] Mami Nanami, the Ideal Ex-Girlfriend
■The Japanese original version
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[ch 197] I Told You I'm on Your Side
Hello! Are you enjoying Kanokari?
Oh no, Mami-chan, you're the best!
The power word "LOL" is here, and if it becomes a LINE stamp (a sticker in LINE ), it must be very versatile. I'm sure it will become a must-have for Kanokari fans lol.
◆LOL. (198)
The word "LOL" seems to emphasize Mami's black-heartedness. With just one word, she sent the Kanokari fans into a whirlwind of fear and excitement, didn't she?
Hmmm. But to me, it didn't look at all like Mami was saying this to ridicule Kazuya for believing her so easily. It's hard to understand it that way when you sort out her situation and the flow of her feelings.
Since we don't have much information about Mami, in fact, all we can do is talk about the possibilities. However, I'll try to talk about it with as much evidence as possible.
"LOL," I think Mami's feelings expressed in this word are the loneliness of losing Kazuya or the emptiness of what she is doing now.
Note: In the original Japanese version, Mami says 草 "grass". 草 "grass" is internet slang used mainly on Twitter, meaning to laugh or ridicule. The Japanese word 笑う "warau", meaning to laugh, was represented by the letter "w", and when you put a bunch of them together (wwwwww), it looks like grass is growing, so laughing like "wwwwww" came to be called "grass". In fact, we use "____ is grass" and "laughed = grass grows".
Mami Chasing After Kazuya's Shadow
First, let's sort out what kind of person Kazuya is to Mami now.
Unforgettable person
For Mami, Kazuya is still someone she can't forget.
Mami seduced Kazuya at the beach and tried to make him leave Chizuru. In the end, however, Kazuya did not come to the pool, but jumped into the sea to save Chizuru (Chapter 14). The Kazuya who told her that he liked her and that she was cute is no more. His feelings have turned to his new girlfriend. Mami has been completely dumped ([ch 195] A Promise that Mami Forced upon Chizuru).
◆恋なんてしないって 決めてるんだから (I've already decided I'm not in love with anyone.) (20)
誰でも良かったから 手ごろなとこ見つけただけだったのに
なんで私 あの人に執着してるんだろう
恋なんてしないって 決めてるんだから
(It could have been anyone, I just found the right guy, so why am I so attached to him? I've already decided I'm not in love with anyone.)
On the screen of her phone was a picture of Kazuya. Mami spills her true feelings like that when she is alone in her room.
On New Year's Day, Mami happens to be passing by Kazuya's parents' house.
◆Mami chases after Kazuya's presence (35).
Just then, Kazuya's shadow jumps into her eyes. Mami turns around and opens her eyes wide. The truth is that she is lonely and wants to see Kazuya. She realizes that she is chasing after his presence.
◆…もう バカッ (...I'm such an idiot.) (35)
...I'm such an idiot.
She realizes that she is chasing after Kazuya's shadow and tells herself that she must forget him.
For Mami, Kazuya is still someone she can't forget. During the month that she was with Kazuya, she had fun, she was happy, she was satisfied. She misses him and wishes she could get him back if she could. That's the kind of person he is for her.
Sure, Mami says some bad things about Kazuya, and at first glance it doesn't look like she thinks he's a nice guy. However, that's not her true feelings. Rather the opposite. Mami needed Kazuya, and he was the kind of person who could make her happy. That's why she is frustrated that Kazuya has lost his feelings for her now and that he doesn't do what she wants. This irritation is just expressed in the form of bad-mouthing Kazuya behind his back. In essence, just like Chizuru and Ruka, she wants Kazuya to look only at her, and she doesn't want to lose him.
And from here, Mami has not moved on at all. She then finds out that Kazuya's new girlfriend is a rental girlfriend and contacts Chizuru (chapters 46-49). She also approaches Granny Nagomi (chapter 77) and proposes to Chizuru that she break up with Kazuya (chapters 183 and 195). However, there is no indication that her feelings for Kazuya have changed. In the Kanokari story, the change in feelings between Chizuru and Kazuya has definitely been portrayed. If there was a change in Mami's feelings, it would have been portrayed for sure. It would be too wild to think that her feelings for Kazuya will disappear without any description or that time has healed her wounds and she has recovered. Even now that Mami is here at the Hawaiians, she still feels lonely because she lost Kazuya.
Mami Plays the Ideal Ex-Girlfriend
◆MAMI-CHAN! CAN WE TALK FOR A SECOND? (198)
MAMI-CHAN!
CAN WE TALK FOR A SECOND?
When Kazuya calls her out, Mami then looks as if she is trying to deceive Kazuya with a series of lies. She is trying to destroy the relationship between Chizuru and Kazuya, but she is lying to him saying that she wants him to be happy. At first glance, we picture such an evil image of Mami.
But is it true?
Mami Nanami is the kind of girl who acts as if she is on the other person's side, while successfully guiding their feelings and making them do what she wants. When we see her spewing out her frustrations on Twitter behind the scenes, we tend to imagine the "devil" behind the angelic face. However, her bad words are just a manifestation of her frustration that Kazuya doesn't do what she wants, and it doesn't mean that she really hates him. In fact, Kazuya must be very special to Mami. Therefore, she does not have a strong grudge against Kazuya.
Also, Mami's basic motivation for playing the good girl is not to hide her bad intentions. It is because she wants to be seen as a good girl because she is afraid of rebelling and making enemies. Also, it's because she want the person who she loves think of her as a cute girl.
We also "play" the same way as Mami. Even if you don't understand what the teacher is saying, you might say "I understand" to make yourself look smart. Even if the book you borrowed wasn't very interesting, you didn't want to disappoint the person, so you said it was interesting. When your girlfriend says she wants to break up with you, you are really in pain, but you don't want to bother her, so you say, "I'm fine". But behind the scenes, you drink until morning with your friends listening to your story. More or less, we create the outside of ourselves by imagining how we look to others and how our words will affect them. In Mami's case, I think she has mastered this.
Mami is good at grasping the needs and feelings of others, and instantly understands what is "ideal" for them. It's like her view are always centered on others. Also, she can easily create that "ideal". Moreover, she is one of the cutest girls. With just one playing, Mami can make others feel like they want to help her and trust her. Acting her cute self is a way for Mami to build good relationships, avoid unnecessary confrontation, and communicate her needs. That's all there is to it.
Therefore, imagining bad intentions in Mami's playing her cute self in front of Kazuya is obviously a too far imagination.
There is a big gap between the good girl who acts like an angel and the person behind the scenes who vents her negative emotions alone on Twitter, which is why we call her "black-hearted" and are afraid of her. However, assuming that she is thinking terrible things behind the scenes is a baseless assumption.
If you look at it in a different way, you can see Mami as a clumsy girl who can't really confront others. It's kind of cute when I think about it that way. In addition, she is good at grasping other people's feelings, and is basically a very thoughtful and kind girl (although she is likely to get a lot of jealousy from girls because of her dexterity and cute appearance).
I Want You to Be Happy
While talking with Kazuya, Mami is playing the role of her "cute self" or rather "the ideal ex-girlfriend for Kazuya". It’s a good girl who wishes for her ex-boyfriend's happiness while feeling a little lonely. The feelings that she has at that time are not necessarily those of "wanting to deceive Kazuya". She genuinely wants the person she loves to think she's cute. That's the basic feeling.
◆NO, NO... I SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR SURPRISING YOU... (198)
...
NO, NO...
I SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR SURPRISING YOU...
◆BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING... I FELT A BIT SAD... （198）
BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING...
I FELT A BIT SAD...
I FELT LIKE...
YOU HAD NO FAITH IN ME AS YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.
LIKE YOU THOUGHT IF YOU TOLD ME THE TRUTH...
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF...
I'D JUST YELL AND SCREAM AT YOU.
"THAT'S WHAT HE THINK OF ME"
SO I JUST WANTED TO, I DON'T KNOW...
PULL A MEAN LITTLE...SURPRISE?
I'm sorry for surprising you by suddenly coming along on this trip. The truth is, I didn't want Kazu-kun to keep lying to me. I wanted you to tell me the truth. I thought that if I suddenly showed up, you would think twice about what you would do if the lie was exposed. That's why I came along on this trip.
Mami tells Kazuya the reason why she came along on this trip.
Mami wants Kazuya to think she's cute and to trust her. So, she must be embellishing her story a little and calculating what to say to be effective. For example, she may have changed her frustration at not being able to get Kazuya to do what she wanted by saying, "I felt sad because you didn't trust me". Even so, it must be true that she hated being lied to and wanted him to tell her the truth. If you know her story of how she lost the person she loved to a rental girlfriend, was hurt, and was deceived for a long time, you will find out that it is natural for her to feel that way ([ch 195] A Promise that Mami Forced upon Chizuru). Well, although she is hiding the truth about the purpose of arriving on this trip.
◆IT WAS SORT, BUT...IT WAS A NICE TIME. (198)
I THINK YOU'VE GOTTEN THE WRONG IDEA, KAZU-KUN. (I think it might have been different for you, Kazu-kun.)
IT WAS SPECIAL TO ME, IN ITS OWN WAY.
WE ONLY HAD A MONTH TOGETHER, BUT WE WENT ON SO MANY DATES, TALKED ABOUT ALL SORTS OF THINGS...
IT WAS SORT, BUT...IT WAS A NICE TIME.
I was shocked when I found out that Chizuru-san, who you said was your girlfriend, was your rental girlfriend. I wanted you to tell me the truth and not lie to me. We were lovers for a month, but it was a precious time. You are still an important person to me.
That's what Mami tells Kazuya. And
Note: In the original Japanese version, Mami does not say Kazuya that he has gotten the wrong idea. What she means is " I think our time together was nice, but you might not".
◆I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. (198)
I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO UPSET YOU (I'd never do anything to make you unhappy)
Note: Mami says in the original Japanese version, 不幸になる事なんてしない "I would never do anything to make you unhappy".
I'm sure Mami means what she says. I think she is saying this because she wants Kazu-kun to be happy. She is not lying to hide the fact that she actually wants him to be unhappy.
From the reader's point of view, Kazuya's happiness = becoming lovers with Chizuru, and Mami's attempt to destroy that makes it seem as if she wants to make Kazuya unhappy. But this is not true. From Mami's point of view, Kazuya is in a situation where he can't have a real girlfriend because he is in love with a rented girlfriend that will never come true. He has spent a lot of money on something that is neither love nor anything else. Furthermore, the rental girlfriend, Chizuru Mizuhara, is not clear whether she is planning to go out with him or not, and she keeps Kazuya in bondage forever. To put it bluntly, this relationship is not healthy. Kazuya should stop renting and get a real girlfriend as soon as possible. It could be Ruka, who has a crush on Kazu-kun, or any other girl. For that reason, Kazuya must tell Grandma Nagomi that his relationship with Chizuru was a lie and stop renting. That's what makes Kazuya happy.
Mami has her own kind of justice, not malice. Of course, her main motive for coming along on this trip is probably to revenge for the fact that she lost Kazuya to a fake rental girlfriend, or because she was upset with Chizuru's lack of clarity. That's the most likely scenario at the moment. Nevertheless, Mami must think that what she is planning now is for Kazuya's sake, and her feelings that she wants Kazuya to be happy are not a lie.
Her Loneliness and Emptiness Behind the "LOL"
I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING TO UPSET YOU .
When Mami said this, Kazuya completely believed her words.
◆I'M SERIOUSLY AWFUL... (198)
I SEE... SO THAT'S HOW SHE...
OF COURSE THERE'S NOTHING TO GAIN FOR HER IN MESSING WITH ME.
BUT I'VE BEEN TREATING HER LIKE SHE'S A POWDER KEG...
WHAT WAS I THINKING, DOUBTING HER LIKE THAT?
I'M SERIOUSLY AWFUL...
◆I'm really sorry about getting weird on you! Thanks! (198)
I see! yeah, of course!
I'm really sorry about getting weird on you! Thanks!
After watching Kazuya's back as he leaves after saying that, he spits out, "Ha!"
◆LOL. (198)
LOL.
Mami laughed it off. At first glance, it looks like she is making fun of Kazuya for trusting her with such a simple lie. Mami is the kind of girl who always bad mouths Kazuya and Chizuru behind their backs. Because of this strong impression, it may look like she was laughing out loud deep down while smiling like an angel at Kazuya.
However, when you sort through what's going on in Mami's mind, that's not nearly as likely.
I'll take a closer look.
I see! yeah, of course!
I'm really sorry about getting weird on you! Thanks!
Mami looks at Kazuya's back as he leaves, and she gives him a lonely look.
◆Mami staring at Kazuya's back (198)
This is Mami's reaction to Kazuya. Mami stares at Kazuya's back. The emotion that flowed in her chest after talking to Kazuya was not disgust for him, nor was it amusement that things went according to plan. Maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was emptiness. I honestly don't have a clear answer. However, the emotion she felt at that moment must not have been mocking Kazuya's behavior, at least not in the least.
If the emotion of "Kazuya is an idiot" was really going through Mami's mind, she would have giggled the moment she realized he had taken his eyes off her and said, "LOL". I missed you because you didn't believe in me. I want you to be happy. While watching Kazuya being tricked into believing in her so easily by her "playing", deep inside she would have laughed at him, and the moment she realized that Kazuya didn't see her, she would have stopped her playing and would have smiled, "It worked".
However, the emotion that was flowing when she was talking to Kazuya was not "LOL". She wasn't playing the "ideal ex-girlfriend" while laughing at him in the back of her mind. It was something else. After Kazuya turns away, Mami stares at his back.
Afterwards, Mami spits out "Ha!" and says "LOL".
◆LOL. (198)
The expression on her face is not domineering, even though she was able to clear Kazuya's suspicion as she aimed. Even though she says "LOL,", she doesn't look funny. She looks as if she is feeling empty and lonely.
Now, let's think about how Mami could say "grass" in a natural flow of feeling at this moment. There are two possibilities I've found.
The first possibility is that she was mocking herself for trying to end the relationship between Kazuya and Chizuru.
◆まじ何 意味ないこと 考えてんだろう… （Seriously, why am I thinking about something meaningless...） (76)
まじ何 意味ないこと 考えてんだろう…
（Seriously, why am I thinking about something meaningless...）
After Mami meets Ruka at a karaoke bar, she murmurs this on her way home. In her mind, she understands that her continued obsession with Kazuya is "meaningless". She knows that there is no benefit to her whatsoever. Even so, she can' t control her emotions, so she's acting on them now.
Even if she is able to end Kazuya's renting, it won't bring him back to her. No, Mami is probably in a situation where she can't be Kazuya's girlfriend for some reason ("That Person", chapter 20). Nothing that Mami is doing right now will benefit her. She's just here because she can't forgive Chizuru Mizuhara, who is forever unclear, and she wants to wake up Kazuya, who is preoccupied with a love that will never bear fruit.
◆LOL. (198)
what am I thinking, doing this?
It's not like I can get him back.
I really feel like an idiot.
With Kazuya on her side, Mami's plan has unexpectedly progressed. Mami may be mocking herself for steadily advancing her plan.
Twitter, where she can talk about everything honestly, without needing to make herself look cute or act like a good girl.
I know it's pointless.
Even if it is, that's okay. I have to do it.
I know I'm really stupid.
Just as she does on Twitter, Mami uses internet slang and looks to be speaking her emotions as they really are.
The second is that she tried to erase her lonely feelings by playing herself laughing at Kazuya.
◆Mami staring at Kazuya's back (198)
When Kazuya's back is turned, Mami stares at him. She is never smiling, neither her eyes nor her mouth. Then she suddenly bursts out laughing with "Ha!". At this moment, Mami seems to be trying her best to change her mind. When she saw Kazuya trying so hard to tell her not to bother Chizuru, she may have once again felt that his feelings had left her. When she told Kazuya that she didn't like being lied to, the painful feelings from that time might have been flowing through her mind. When she saw Kazuya doing what she wanted she might have been remembering her happy month with him. It looks like Mami is trying to kill herself for feeling lonely after being rejected by Kazuya and trying to create herself of "I don't care about Kazuya, everything went well, just as planned".
◆LOL. (198)
I don't care about Kazu-kun anymore.
I'm not lonely.
It's so funny how he can be fooled by such a simple act.
By laughing at Kazuya, Mami looks to be trying to redeem herself from her decision to ruin their relationship.
Maybe Mami, like Chizuru, is just being very strong (which means being unable to admit the fact they are not tough in real and try to hide their weakness and painful feelings). Chizuru says that no matter how painful it is, she is okay. Even when she feels that Kazuya is not in love with her, she doesn't show a single depressed face and says with her best smile, "I won't forgive you if you don't got your best girlfriend" (chapter 174). When she was told that Ruka and Kazuya had had sex, she said something like, "It would be great if he had a cute girlfriend". and she tries to congratulate him as his rental girlfriend (chapter 187). That's how she tells herself so that she can escape from the painful reality and not feel the painful feelings. Maybe Mami is doing the same thing as Chizuru. The reason why she always makes up her "angelic self" and says "I'm on your side" may be because she doesn't want to show her heartbroken self ([ch 195] A Promise that Mami Forced upon Chizuru).
Mami doesn't really think Kazuya is a lame or bad guy, but she must be relieving her frustration by talking bad about him on Twitter. To the Numa account (Mami's Twitter account), both Kazuya and Chizuru may be enemies.
Isn't that a little too easy?
Just as planned.
It seems like she's trying to erase herself from really wanting Kazuya by acting like she did when she was on the Numa account.
Did she want to ridicule herself for the stupidity of what she was doing, did she create a "bad-mouthing self" so that she wouldn't feel her feelings for Kazuya, or did she have other feelings flowing through her and another purpose? We don't have enough information to judge that. We may find out when the story progresses a little further.
So that's how I looked back at Mami in chapter 198. Mami's charm is that she's mysterious and you never know what she's thinking, and her presence makes the story thrilling. I think Miyajima-san wants to portray her as an antagonist with a lot of spice and not as a good girl until the very end. However, when I look at her in this way, I don't think she is a bad girl. It's just that we imagine "bad intentions" from Mami's back-and-forth character without any basis, and that we get frustrated because she is in an adversarial relationship with Chizuru and Kazuya. There is no basis on which we can make her a "bad girl", is there? I can understand why Mami is so upset with Chizuru, and her actions are very justified. If she were actually on campus, she would be a very kind girl, always talking with a smile on her face and taking care of people. Well, in my case, I'd probably be ignored and just smiled at and brushed off lol.
Let's look forward to Mami-chan's continued activities.
See you in the next article!
