何ヵ月前に、私の音楽が大好きな上の2人はご飯の後歌い出した。上のミアちゃんは、君が代。真ん中のアビちゃんは、ディズニーの「モアナ」の主題歌。うん。うちの子供のアイデンティティはそんな感じ。日本人なのか？アメリカ人なのか？子供に聞いてみようかなと思った。
A couple of months ago, my music-loving two oldest daughters burst out in song after dinner. My oldest Mia started singing the Japanese national anthem; my middle child Abby was belting out the theme song to Disney's Moana. Yep, that's my kids and their identity right there in a nutshell. Are they Japanese? Are they American? I figured I would just ask them.
[アイデンティティ] という単語は、絶対にわからないから、わかりやすく、「あなたは日本人ですか？アメリカ人ですか」 みたいな質問をした。だって、見た目は明らかに日本人じゃないけど、生まれも育ちも日本。日本の保育園と小学校にずっと行って、日本料理がめちゃくちゃ好きで、友達は殆ど日本人だ。それと、日本語も英語も怪しいけど、やっぱり日本語のほうがうまい。家で英語を話すけど、やっぱり日本語の環境にいる時間のほうが長いから、日本語が快適であることは当たり前。姉妹喧嘩も、やっぱり日本語だ。なんか、「イヤだ！」と「ダメ！」は英語の「I don't want to」と「No!」よりインパクトがあるに違いない。
For sure, they don't know the word "identity," so we made it as simple as possible. We asked them, "Do you see yourself as Japanese or American?" Now of course, they don't look Japanese at all (They are mixed Caucasian/Filipino beauties, not that I am biased or anything.) But they were born and raised in Japan, have been to Japanese schools all their lives, love Japanese food, and have mostly Japanese friends. On top of that, their Japanese is probably better than their English. We speak English at home, but if you think about it, they are in a Japanese-speaking environment much longer than in an English-speaking one. And the tell-tale sign of their linguistic identity is that they fight in Japanese. Japanese fighting words just seem much more rude and appropriate for cutting each other down than wimpy English ones.
兎に角、長女のミアの答えは、「アメリカ人」 だった。三女のエミは「日本語」と答えた。で、二女のアビの答えは「わからん」だった。うん、さすが曖昧な日本育ちの子供なんだ。はは。でも、アビちゃんは本当にわからないと思う。だって、43歳のアンちゃんママもわからない時が多い。シーソーに例えすると、うちらの家族はちょうど真ん中に立っている。ある日、何かがあって、「あぁ、やっぱりアメリカ人だ」 と気づく。アメリカ側のシーソーに行く。でも次の日、「やっぱり、日本がいい」 と気づくから、日本側に行く。こういうパターンを日常生活で毎日繰り返している。
My oldest Mia replied that she is definitely American. My youngest Emmy stated with confidence that she was Japanese. And my middle daughter Abby answered my question in true Japanese form--I don't know. That being said, I think she really doesn't know. I mean, her 43-year old American born mother doesn't know most of the time, either. I kind of see our cultural identity as if we are on a see saw. Our family is standing right in the middle, and something happens that makes us think the Japanese way is crazy. Yeah, we like it here, but yeah, we are American. We gravitate to the American side of the seesaw. Then something else will happen and make me think Japan is heaven on earth. Off to the other side of the seesaw we go. I feel like we repeat this pattern every day of our multicultural lives.
多分、うちらは普通の外人ファミリーじゃない。できるだけ日本の文化に馴染もうとしているから、日本の学校に行かせたり、日本料理を主に作ったり、殆どの友達は日本人だ。日本の教育制度は、私たちの子供に合うかどうかがわからんから困っているけど、それ以外はあまり迷わない。宗教のこと以外、日本人のやり方で良かろうと、私は思ってる。
I don't think we are your average foreign family living in Japan. For one thing, we have permanent residency, and plan on living here forever. On top of that, we are trying the best as we can to entirely assimilate into Japanese culture. How do we do that? We send our kids to Japanese schools; we eat Japanese food; we hang out with our Japanese best friends. To be honest, as much as we love Japan, we are not sure if the education system is the best fit for our kids, but other than that, we have no doubt we love everything here. Being Christians we don't participate in Buddhist or Shinto relgious events, but for everything else, just call us Japanese.
けど、一つの大事なことがある。子供は英語をしっかり話さないと。親2人ともアメリカ人やけん、子供は英語が話せないことはあり得ない。子供に英語を教える責任があるに違いない。日本語ほどうまくないかもしれんけど、話せないよりマシだ。とても文法にうるさい、ずっと高校の先生をしていた私の母は、自分の孫と会話ができんかったら、マジその孫の親 (つまり、私) に怒るバイ。恐ろしい、マジ。だから家にいる時、英語で話したり、英語のテレビを見せたりする。
Still, there is one thing we won't budge on--English. Since my husband and I are both native speakers, it would be crazy for us to let them get by entirely in Japanese not teach them English--that is entirely our responsiblity. Of course, they probably won't be as good at it as kids in the U.S., but weird English is better than no English at all. I cannot tell you how messy it would be if my kids couldn't talk to their American grandmother, who is both a retired teacher and a grammar nazi. It would not be a pretty sight. So as much as possible, we speak English at home and let the kids watch American TV.
でも正直に言うと、アメリカ人のアイデンティティはなくても良い。私は、２８歳でアメリカ国籍を取った旦那みたいに、アメリカの愛国者じゃない。怒らないで。私はアメリカが大好きなアメリカ人だ。アメリカで生まれてよかったと思う。アメリカに行くことは楽しくてたまらなくて、タコベル（タコスのレストラン）が好きすぎてしょうがない。で、アメリカの国籍を捨てて、日本の国籍を取ろうと一回も考えたことがない。
But to be totally honest, I don't really care if my kids don't have an American identity. My immigrant husband is way more patriotic than I am. Don't get me wrong. I love America. I am proud to have been born there, and every chance I get to go to American is so awesome. I am crazy about Taco Bell, and I have never once thought about giving up my U.S. citizenship to become Japanese.
ただ日本は、私のホームになった。日本は私の居場所だ。最近、私の考え方はバリバリ変わった。多分、日本に来てからの1番大きな変化かな。今まて、私は外国移住者だと思った。けど、やっぱり外国移住者の程度も色々あるさ。一番トップは、東京に住んでいるバリバリお金持ちの外人だ。そういう外人はずっと他の外人と時間を過ごしたり、アメリカのファミリーレストラン（チリズ、TGIF、ハードロックカフェなど）で食べたりして、子供をバリ高いインターナショナルスクールに行かせる。もちろん日本語を勉強しようともしない。私はよくそういう外国人を批判した。私は違う！けど、考えたら、私も結構アメリカ人のプライドが高かった。ある程度日本の文化に馴染もうとしたけど、「やっぱり私はアメリカ人だ。アメリカのやり方がいい！」と思った。アメリカ人だから日本の色々（PTA、夏休み宿題、町内会、子供会など）がイヤだった。やりたくないからやらんでいい。いつも時間がないと言い訳にしたけど、実は、やりたくなかっただけだった。そしてコストコがないと生きていけんとずっと思った。日本料理がまぁまぁ好きだったけど、やっぱり４５０カロリーがあるコストコのベーグルを食べたかった。
But thing thing is, Japan is my home. It is where I belong. These days, I feel like the way I think about things has completely changed, and I have no idea of my identity anymore. I don't think I have undergone such a shift in all my time in Japan. I have always considered myself somewhat of an expat--although not to the the extent of the rich people living in Tokyo who hang out with foreigners all day long, eat at Chilis on a regular basic, can't speak Japanese very well, and send their kids to international schools. I have always tried to meld into Japanese life, but I guess I have also tried to keep my distance, too. I was like, well, I will go this far, but don't ask me to do things that go against my American pride (serving on the mandatory volunteer PTA, neighborhood association, or asking my kids to do summer homework.) I am American after all, and I don't wanna do that. I always made the excuse that I didn't have time, but in reality, I just didn't wanna do it. I would constantly think the American way is better, and reflect on how I would die if there were no Costco in Japan. Japanese food was okay, but give me my 450 calorie Costco bagel!!
最近、今までがイヤだったことの魅力をちょっとわかってきた。まだ宿題が多すぎだと思うし、PTAをやりたくないけど、やらざるを得ないと思うようになった。私は、日本語がペラペラ話せて、日本に永住することを決めたから、日本人と同じような扱いをして欲しい。でもPTAはイヤだから、アメリカのやり方とは違うから、やりたくないと言ったら、本当に日本人と同じ扱いにならないに違いない。日本人は、PTAをバリバリやりたいわけないやん！「今日は小学校に行く日だ！ベルマークを数えるのを楽しみ過ぎ！待ちきらん！」と思って人はあまりいないバイ。私と同じくらい忙しくて、PTAを嫌がる日本人はたくさんいると思う。けど、日本の社会では、PTAは義務だからしょうがない。アメリカでは、PTAは完全にボランティア制度だ。日本のPTAのやることは多すぎると、私は思う。悪くないけど、これは、本当に必要かな、と思う。まぁ、PTAについて延々と話せるから、後日のグログを書こうかな。
Recently, I have come to see the value in things I have always hated. I still think the kids get way too much summer homework, and I still don't want to serve on the PTA, but I have come to realize that sometime I have to do things I don't want to because I live here. I can speak Japanese fluently, and have decided to spend the rest of my life here, so I want to be treated exactly like everyone around me. But if I say I hate the PTA so I am not going to do it, am I really going to be treated like everyone around me? Many Japanese hate the mandatory PTA service, too. Not many people wake up thinking, "Yay! Today is the day I get to go to school and count Bellmark labels! I can't wait! Yippee!" They are busy just like I am, and don't wanna be on the PTA. But in Japanese society, PTA is a societal obligation. In America, PTA is entirely voluntary and I think that is right. The Japanese PTA does good things, I just wonder if they are necessary. But I could write an entire blog about this, so I think I will save my sermon on the PTA for later.
もし都合がいい時だけ、「私は外人です！」と自分のアメリカ人のアイデンティティを利用したら、めちゃ最低なことだと思う。どんだけの偽善者になるやろう？そういうことをすると本当に日本人と同じような扱いになるわけがない。PTAの制度はおかしいかもしれんけど、私は日本に住んでいる限り、日本人と同じようにせざるを得ない。で、私はずっと日本に住みたい。今のアンちゃんは、外国移住者じゃなくて、移民者に近いアイデンティティがある。日本語で単語のニュアンスの大きな違いないが伝わるかどうかわからないけど、英語の意味は全然違う。
If I claim my foreign identity only when it is convenient for me, what a hypocrite I would be. I would never be treated like everyone else then. Maybe the PTA system of mandatory volunteerism is weird, but that is life. As long as I live here, I have to do fulfill the same responsiblities of those around me. And I want to live here forever. Recently, I no longer see myself as an expatriate living in Japan, but as an immigrant who has chosen to live out her days loving Japan. This changing of thinking from an expat to an immigrant is a cosmic shift in my thinking and identity.
2年前に、私の仕事で１年間アメリカに行った。その間、子供はアメリカの田舎の小学校に通っていた。英語はまず怪しかった。アルファベットさえわからんかった2年生のアビちゃんは、最初に相当苦労していた。アメリカ人の子供、小さい時からずっと言わされている、Pledge of Alligiance (アメリカに対しての誓い) もわからんかった。日本に帰国した直前、英語もバリバリ上達していたし、Pledge of Alligianceも完璧に言えた。けどその反面、日本語はバリバリヤバくなったバイ。その時から2年も経ったけど、まだ日本語は遅れている。やっぱり両方とも完璧に教えるのは難しいな。
Two years ago, my family went to the U.S. for a year for my work, and we enrolled our kids in a rural elementary school in the boonies of Virginia. My kids' English was a mess. My middle child Abby was in the second grade, and she didn't even know the entire alphabet. No only the language, but the kids didn't know the culture either. Although American kids learn The Pledge of Alligiance from kindergarten, my kids were the only kids in the whole school who didn't know it. After being in an American school for a year, all of my kids could speak English like pros, and their recitation of the Pledge was flawless. That being said, their Japanese was now a total mess. And to be honest, now two years later, it still is. I guess I realize now how incredibly difficult it is for my kids to be completely fluent in both.
But I am cool with that. Both their English and Japanese are kinda sketchy, but I am cool with that. I love America, but I have realized that my kids identify much more with Japan. And, really, is there anything wrong with that? They are the children of a redneck Caucasian mom and Filipino immigrant Dad living and growing up in Japan. There are all kinds of possibilities for all kinds of identity crises. As their parents, more than realizing finding their identities in Japan or America, as Christians we want them to find their identities in Christ. That is what we most want to teach them.
私は、正直にいうと、自分のアイデンティティがわからない。アメリカ人なのか、日本人なのか、まあ、そんなに考えなくても良かろう？私はアメリカ生まれ、アメリカ育ち、髪型がバリバリカッコイイ日本人になりかけヤンキー准教授だ。それは、アンちゃんやけん。
As for me, I have never been more unsure about my identity in my life. Am I Japanese? Am I American? Although I look nothing like a stereotypical Japanese, I think if you opened me up and looked at my heart you would find it to be a Japanese one, or at least a heart in the process of being Japanese. I am not quite sure who I am, but I am totally cool with that, too. Who am I? I am an American-born and raised punk university professor with a really cool haircut who loves Japan with all her heart. That is me, and I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
