.........

I don't understand nowadays human.




I can't never say what I feel. And because I never say it, everybody is angry with me.
"Agatha, say it!"



Yes. But at least listen to me. That's why I write.




I consider myself as a incomprehensible girl. And a girl who is going to be alone for the rest of her life.





It's not the fault of anyone. It is mine.
However, incomprehension turns agression.





My fault. My incomprehensible mind.





Stupid mind.





Stupid mind of this stupid girl.

Yes. I understood.

It is incredible.
very incredible.

I understood him when everyone was saying he's crazy.
No. He's not.

And he has one of the most wonderful hearts I've ever known.



Because of it, this Agatha Dream World exists.
To write my darkest thoughts about it. Because I am with him
It is not about anger. I am not angry. I am in despair.

Sometimes I am in despair.
This world is rotten. But I can't be angry. I've been rottening it more.

It hurts.

I cannot say it didn't hurt.
I never felt a pain as that. The pain when your beloved creature, your beloved man, ignores you as an insect only to talk to another girl. Because of course! He doesn't love you.

Pain.
Lots of pain.


I never believed in love.
And when I began to believe on it, this happens. No. Love doesn't exist. Or at least, not for me, not for Agatha. I've always known that but I've been always trying to forget it. Since I was a little child, the boys I liked never looked at me. I was like a ghost for them. And now the man I chose, the man I decided he was the man of my life, doesn't look at me. And he ignores I love him.

Why?

I guess because I am a foreigner.
Speaking another language is not easy. And it is less easy when you don't know that language.
But I fought. I talked to him.

I loved him.


And now? What did I get?
Nothing.

Pain. That's your prize.


Incredible. I don't want to get that kind of prizes. I was better feeling that, for the first time, I had fallen in love, and my love was beginning to look at me. My false illusion, my false faith.