I keep telling myself things will be okay, that I’ll be
okay and after I calm down & say that, everything does feel okay.
But then I go outside my room & my dad’s yelling at me again so I go hide back in my room & cry into my pillow again.
I’m tired of believing my parents.. I’m tired of my mom
telling me I’ll never get the fuck out of here.
honestly I haven’t been having a good week at all and I’ve been having urges to cry since yesterday & so I did cry. I cried really badly & then I got a horrible headache.
everything has been making me upset lately… and thinking about my cats being gone makes me even more upset. I’ll be alone. I won’t have them to cuddle with or watch them fight or do those dumb things my babies do..
last night was a SuG night & I talked to a few people and my TL was filled with SuG.. it made me happy.. until I realized that I didn’t fit in with them since they knew each other….
and then it made me sad..
to realize that I was alone.
then I just kinda went to sleep & kept thinking about it, cursing at myself for thinking I could fit in.
I want to stop thinking about the bad things & I
want SuG to make me happy again but right now listening to their songs isn’t
even helping me, it’s making me think I’m “happy” when I’m really not.
I can’t even talk about these things anymore because it seems like no one cares, so I just keep my mouth shut. I’ve also stopped trusting people. I’m trying to stop getting my hopes up but then a small part of me does & then when it gets crushed, I blame myself.
whatever. I’m sick of doing this anyways.
can I do to save you?
Rise and fall will take you there.
What should I do to break you?
Rise and fall will keep me here.