✖little lost butterfly girl✖


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I keep telling myself things will be okay, that I’ll be okay and after I calm down & say that, everything does feel okay.

But then I go outside my room & my dad’s yelling at me again so I go hide back in my room & cry into my pillow again.

I’m tired of believing my parents.. I’m tired of my mom telling me I’ll never get the fuck out of here.

honestly I haven’t been having a good week at all and I’ve been having urges to cry since yesterday & so I did cry. I cried really badly & then I got a horrible headache.

everything has been making me upset lately… and thinking about my cats being gone makes me even more upset. I’ll be alone. I won’t have them to cuddle with or watch them fight or do those dumb things my babies do..

last night was a SuG night & I talked to a few people and my TL was filled with SuG.. it made me happy.. until I realized that I didn’t fit in with them since they knew each other….

and then it made me sad..

to realize that I was alone.

then I just kinda went to sleep & kept thinking about it, cursing at myself for thinking I could fit in.

 

I want to stop thinking about the bad things & I want SuG to make me happy again but right now listening to their songs isn’t even helping me, it’s making me think I’m “happy” when I’m really not.

I can’t even talk about these things anymore because it seems like no one cares, so I just keep my mouth shut. I’ve also stopped trusting people. I’m trying to stop getting my hopes up but then a small part of me does & then when it gets crushed, I blame myself.

 

whatever. I’m sick of doing this anyways.

 

What can I do to save you?
Rise and fall will take you there.
What should I do to break you?
Rise and fall will keep me here.

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I went to mcdonalds & DQ w/ Josué today. My sister came along too.


I was freezing my ass off in DQ and my teeth started chattering haha.

 

It was fun! I was able to buy my dumbbells too. Yet.. I wasted close to 20$. I wish I could earn more money, but I don’t even know how haha.


the photos above were the only 2 photos he took & sent me them. ( I took his phone, took a pic of me & sent it to my friend lol )


I’m glad I was able to talk about what was going on, I felt like I took off a big weight off of my shoulders, but at the same time, I feel more down. It helped on the way, I literally wasted my breath just talking about it since I spoke so fast. But I think I just really wanted to get it out...


I’m home now, & it’s 2AM. And I feel sick as fxck. My stomach really hurts & I made some green tea for me to drink, I’m waiting for it to cool down.


 I feel kind of sad, but I’ll probably watch The Walking Dead, draw, or watch some SuG videos to cheer me up.


I know I haven’t updated this in 2 months, but things happened, I forgot about this site (which is weird bc I always rant off on here), I got caught up with school, and kinda.. disappeared. I was going to update with something in November, but never did.



I’m not that happy my dad is coming back tomorrow. I’m happier when it’s just my mom & sister here.



Well yeah.



that’s all.



bye.


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maybe saying goodbye for once & for all is best

because I don’t want to wait another 6 more years, or 10 more years.

I’m not even close to being an adult.

nowhere near close.




I’m sorry for making you feel alone.



you know I really love you, okay?




I’m sorry.

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