To all of my friends,
I know some of you were worried and some of you gave up on me due of my non-stop problems/depression in my life and how my heart is being tortured badly. I'm sorry for everyone and to anyone that I offend for I am too clingy and annoying which the truth is I need someone to give me strength and be one of the best of friend that I'll never forget until the end. To be honest, I've been lying since last month since I don't want you people to worry. It's not only my problems in life why I'm acting like this but I'm having problems with my health.
Last month, February 2014, I started to sense changes in me. My resistance got weaker, my body (my hips are getting uneven and painful), my right leg is getting longer and I'm having hard time to walk and I'm having fever which keeps on coming back until now and many more... I've been really down lately and sometimes I've been thinking why I'm suffering like this? Can I just die? I am almost giving up. I always get up every morning with the feeling I cannot move and all I can do is cry with the pain I'm experiencing in my body. I'm starting not to go to my first class every morning due of my weak body. The teachers were wondering if what happened to the old me where I used to be punctual and early in class? I used to be active. I used to smile. And I don't feel like eating but I have to eat and get stronger but I'm still having fever so what's the point? And today, I got surprised when I saw myself in the mirror with measles on my face which will I am going to observe. I never had something like this before. My mom already suggested for me to go to the doctor but I refused since I got trauma in my last checkup. I'm still having fever and I'm having coughs and colds which is not a very good feeling with all other pain aching in my body. This all started when I lose hope when I feel like I was thrown away. I can't remember much details or I don't wanna remember of what really happened to me or why I was depressed until now? All I can say that it got worse. I never experience such ill in my life. I never felt weak like this before. I used to be active outside the house and now I always go home and cry on my sofa because of my sickness and problems I'm dealing in school.
I know some of you hates me and I know some of you loves me. But I'm really sorry for lying. I only told one person about how I am suffering and dealing with my health problems and real life problems. I just don't want to rely anymore. I never treated you guys as my "Online Friends" but you guys are my FAMILY and my REAL LIFE FRIENDS as well who I really cherish. I never felt so happy in this kind of friendship. No matter some of you pushed me around or distance yourself to me. I still thank you people for everything that you have done to me and to all of your advices and to all of your love. I am trying my best to pull myself together. I'm trying to find my way out and to solve some things. I don't know where to start but I'll find myself first. I will do my best.
As of now, some people around me told me to rest myself in the internet for me to get well. Since my internet keeps on cutting off. I won't use internet for the mean time but I thank all of you for giving me strength and those who suddenly messaged me how they love me so much. I really appreciate that and thank you.
I hope you guys won't be like me. The weak me. Please don't you guys ever lose your smile and don't get too much depress like me. Please continue to have fun. To be honest, I am no longer the fun Nana you met. You guys might end up being unhealthy but please no. I don't want you guys experience what am I experiencing now. I don't want you guys to suffer. You see, depression can lead everyone to weakness or worse... death. But I will never die for all of you because I know someday we will all meet.
Thank you so much for reading!
This is it! I'll do my best get well! I'll force myself to go to the doctor (Well some of you are forcing me already.)
I love you all.
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