(originally posted on 2016.9.1 | 12:12:01)
I am Mao Kobayashi.
I decided to start a blog today, which actually surprised my family.
I was encouraged by my doctor who recently said to me;
“Don’t hide behind cancer.”
Her advice made me realize what had happened. Ever since my cancer diagnosis, as time goes by, my identity as a cancer patient had dominated my mind and life.
Once I get over it, I shall be able to go back to being how I was before.
So, until then, I would keep it a secret. No one necessarily finds out about my illness. I just do not want to make people concerned.
Yet, unexpectedly, the news about my breast cancer got out to the public. But I tried even harder to hide behind the disease. I tried to retire myself and put me in a very small box.
It is all my responsibility.
I want to be a woman who lives my life colorfully.
I want to be a noble and strong mother to my children.
That is why I have decided to break up with myself who was overshadowed.
It may sound a very selfish and shameful reason, and I apologize for that.
However, I am glad myself that I am committed to being who I am.
It’s been over a year since I was diagnosed with cancer. I sometimes feel hopeless when I look at my children playing vigorously while my body stops moving.
Should there be any mother who feels guilty like;
“I am sorry for not being able to be with you all the time.”
“I am sorry for not being able to take care of you.”
I want you to know that I am in the same shoes as you are.
Thank you for reading my blog.