Being myself

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(originally posted on 2016.9.1 | 12:12:01)

 

 

I am Mao Kobayashi.     

I decided to start a blog today, which actually surprised my family.   

 

 

I was encouraged by my doctor who recently said to me; 

 

Dont hide behind cancer.

 

Her advice made me realize what had happened.  Ever since my cancer diagnosis, as time goes by, my identity as a cancer patient had dominated my mind and life. 

 

 

Once I get over it, I shall be able to go back to being how I was before.  

So, until then, I would keep it a secret.  No one necessarily finds out about my illness. I just do not want to make people concerned.

 

 

Yet, unexpectedly, the news about my breast cancer got out to the public. But I tried even harder to hide behind the disease. I tried to retire myself and put me in a very small box. 

 

 

It is all my responsibility. 

 

 

I want to be a woman who lives my life colorfully.

I want to be a noble and strong mother to my children. 

 

 

That is why I have decided to break up with myself who was overshadowed.

It may sound a very selfish and shameful reason, and I apologize for that.

However, I am glad myself that I am committed to being who I am. 

 

 

Its been over a year since I was diagnosed with cancer.  I sometimes feel hopeless when I look at my children playing vigorously while my body stops moving.

 

Should there be any mother who feels guilty like; 

 

I am sorry for not being able to be with you all the time.

I am sorry for not being able to take care of you.   

 

I want you to know that I am in the same shoes as you are.

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog.

 

 

 

 

 

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  • “Don’t hide behind cancer.(麻央ちゃんブログ)

    英訳された麻央ちゃんのブログも、続けて読んでいます。“Don’t hide behind cancer.”“がんの陰に隠れないで”ブログを初めて読んだ時に、飛び込んできたこの言葉。ハッとしました。ママ友という、不思議な関係の友人の中で生活していた私は、子供に病気のことを知られたくない一心で、ひたすら…

    miyu

    2018-02-10 02:00:00

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