Mr Shinji Takehara's message, "Mao-chan, fight on!" was so straight to the point. It really hit the nail on the head! Thank you so much.
(Thank you also for sharing your knowledge in your comment.)
Yes I have regrets.
If only I took better care of my body then. If only I'd gone for a second opinion then. If only I hadn't trusted (the initial diagnosis) then. If only then... If only then...
I was ever reluctant to take painkillers,
but when the cancer pain got the better of me and finally, at long last, I took the medication,
the physical pain subsided and for some reason I'm not sure of,
it was "forgiveness" that I felt.
I still remember the warm, calm sensation of being released from pain.
And it occurred to me:
Why did I think it necessary to torture myself that much?
Why did I suffer the pain as if it was some sort of punishment, when I hadn't done anything to deserve it?
Strangely, while I gradually forgot the pain which was so intense at the time,
I will probably never forget this sense of relief from the pain.
Not for any good purpose, Not for any good reason, I did not forgive myself. I was being absurdly cruel to myself.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank my elder colleagues in the entertainment world for words of encouragement. I have read your words and sincerely thank you. I am greatly encouraged by you.
Thank you also for well-wishing letters and gifts I have received from many of you. Your kindness strengthens me.