crazily busy...

haven't even talked to my parents ... gomen!!

haha i love it tho!!

i'll do a lot more things this sem...

so happy and excited

one thing... i came back to my room at 2am last night (or rather this morning) and woke up at 6:40 to read..... hahaha i'm ready to die

will update my daily life later when i'm settled!!




moving on


ok i'll leave tomorrow and go back to wesleyan.

yeeeeeees finally!!!

the problem is that i might be unable to write this blog from my laptop

f...!! ok let's try not to swear :P

anyway i suppose i'll be too busy or too lazy (well, they can coexist according to my principles) to visit here... gomen.

have a great year, everybody!!

my dear people in japan....

you form a big part of my purpose to live..

no matter how far away i'm from you, it's always true.

love you always!!












what the heeeeell

haha i'm missing my crazy life back at wesleyan sooooooo desperately now...

began packing... one half of my suitcase is occupied with clothes, and the other half with food... well by now it's mostly snacks. iyaaaaaaa craaaazyyyyy ><

i dunno when i'll come back next time, so wanna bring as much food as possible...

kimchi toka... curry toka... cook do toka...haha... aojiso dressing toka... noodle mone!

doraemooooooooon, help meeeeeeeeeee!! lol


today i'm so random.... hehe it's become me though... wesleyan people made me more random than ever.

well, in JG i was made to be so weird and now this new environment is fostering my wierdness more! huh!

but i like both a ton... i can behave naturally and just become myself so comfortably...

wanna go baaaaaaaaaack

see people

hug people

talk to people

laugh with people

and lead my crazy life again

missing yooooooooooooou

well haha i'm not reluctant to leave japan this time...




what am I doinggggggggggggggg...

more than two weeks since I came back to Japan. and less than two weeks are left.

I've got plenty of time to reflect on my life at college... or rather my life.

think... think.... it seems I can't stop thinking...

I'm told not to think too much, but it's human nature to think.

sometimes not to find answers, but to find many more questions we are facing.

yesterday I visited my high school.... for the first time in four months.

it was standing at the same place(naturally) and there were same people. the same smell and the same flow of time.

honestly, I felt I missed the air in that space. the place was holding my life for six years, acting an especially important role for me.

yesterday, although with the same feeling of its huge gravity attracting me, I somehow realized that I'm not attached to it anymore. It's natural in the way that I don't belong to the school, not spending my life there. But that feeling was still surprising me. Something which was almost everything to me... is already put away in my past.

This doesn't necessarily mean that I don't care about my high scholl any longer.

I met my teachers and talked and talked and talked.... until my jaw got really tired.

everyone looked unchanged. my club's still got a number of problems... as usual.

my favorite teachers were still really energetic and funny. it was such a good feeling of nostalgia....

even though the time I spent there is already past, the past is still charging energy and power to go forward.

later at night, I had a dinner party with my dance buddies. it was such a fun party... with incredibly many dishes and good deal of alcohol...

it was such a weird party as well... from a teen(only me! the youngest hehe) to fifties...

this multi-generational(?) gathering showed me a new light on my connections.

it's a rare thing to have a common topic with people in different ages, regardless of our jobs or schools. we can interact with one another just because we dance. such a small factor, a mere hobby can connect so many people and generates a big circle.

and our dance teacher is really great... she opened my way toward dance. although I will keep dance as a hobby, it will enrich and enliven my life...

happy... happy to meet people who I would have never had a single chance to talk if I had not begun dancing.

thankful..... to widen my world.

I felt connected.

to everything. to everyone.

I felt alive.

among many people. among those who I love.

missing you


hey gentleman,

i miss you so much that i'm getting crazy.

i wanna talk to you.

but i want you to talk to me first... so that i can feel you take even slightest care of me.

i wanna wait. wait until i'll be there again.

but here... i'm lost. i'm lost in darkness. drawning. drawning in my own feelings.

it's so painful. it's breaking me into pieces.

i hate this. i hate my being this uneasy. doubtful. unconfident.

i'm trying. trying to believe myself. believe that it's different this time.

not gonna end with nothing as usual.

something.... something special.

i'll try not to end it by my own hands again.

all the memories I have shared with you.... were too beautiful. too peaceful.

wanna stick to them... keeping them and doing nothing anymore might let them remain beautiful.

but i know that i have to go forward. even if i end up ruining them.

there's always something we can't get no matter how hard we do our best.

then, what we should do is to accept the reality lying in front of us.

i'm thinking.... constantly thinking.

have i done my best? certainly i have done more that i thought i could. but still, this is not me. i'm not gonna give you up.

before i try everything i can do. i'll be the best me ever.

it hurts. it hurts more than ever.

i'll bear. be patient. be honest. and be smiling.

i'm here for you.

wishes for 2006


Happy Happy New Year!!!

It's been a year since I began this blog :)

My life has changed a lot since then... too much to describe fully.

It was only a wink when it turned to 2006. 2005, the most important year so far in my life, was over.

Every year I set a time for myself to think back about the whole year. But this time, I just moved on. The end of a year might be something special. The beginning of one too.

demo ne......

Every moment in my life is special. I don't want to be satisfied with just running through a year and looking back at the end.

I wanna cherish every 1/100 second, appreciating everything I'm receiving in my life.

Though it is really tough..... much harder than you think, you say, or imagine.

At least, I wanna thank ppl around me, who are bringing me laughter, smile, and happiness.

At least, I wanna keep saying something cheerful like this and try to be happy.

There are too many things I wanna achieve. It's impossible to take all the courses I want to in four years. It is impossible to do all the jobs I want or to meet all the people on earth in my lifetime.


I will make the most of my four years at college, deriving every important piece to color me.

I will believe in what I am doing in the future. Never doubt my choice.
I will, sincerely, I will be thankful to meet the people I know, because they are chosen among billions and appeared in front of me. Miracle, isn't it?

Wishes for 2006.... well, I wish to meet more people and new experiences. After that, it is up to me. I'll make it a happy one.

2006, it will be a great year. A special one, as every year has been!

I'll feel it is the best one in my life, just because I'm in it at the moment.

Well, now, let's step in! Gear up! Be ambitious!