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2015年07月06日(月) 05時24分18秒

ケネスからの手紙

テーマ:我が道いのち
皆様へ

こんにちは、ケネスです。

私がぶんたちんのブログにお邪魔して申し訳ありません。ぶんが亡くなった後に沢山なことを伝えたかったです。あの時と現在のお伝えたいことが変わりました。あの時にはよく考えられませんでしたので、私の大切な人たちに言葉で傷づけてしまいました。ですが、その大切な人達は皆様のことを良く教えてくださいました。そのおかげで自分自身の事もたくさん考えることも出来ました。今、お伝えたいは現在の苦労、ぶんについて、そして皆様にお礼がしたいです。

人生でそんな心の近い人が亡くなる経験は有りませんでしたので、そんな苦しくって寂しことをあの時まで知りませんでした。あまり良くない事ですが、二ヶ月ぐらい何も手が付けられなかった。どうすればいい、どう言えばいい、そして実際は何が起こっても良く気付けない感じでした。心と魂はぶんに流し込みましたので、私の世界は打ち砕かれました。ぶんの家族のお手伝いがなならなかったら、私はおそらくまだ迷っています。

ぶんは私の光です。そしてぶんのために過去でも未来でも頑張ります。ぶんとの約束「ぶんのことを知らないより嬉しくっても悲しくっても何時でも一緒の方が良いと思います。私達は一緒だから一緒に頑張りましょう。」を信じていきます。

最後の最後までぶんはいつも私に笑顔を見せてくれました。大人なの笑顔じゃなくて、素晴らしくて美しくて小さな子供みたいの笑顔です。つまり、本物な笑顔です。ぶんは今も未来も私の一番大事な人です。そして、ぶんのために人生を続けなければいけません。ぶんのためにも頑張ります。

最後に一番大切な、ぶんのブログの読者とサポーターの皆様にお礼が言いたいです。ぶ んがそこまで生きてこれたのは皆様の御蔭です。いつも特別なときに力をくれましたので、ぶんの生き続ける意志が強くなりました。毎日、ぶんは皆様のメッセージを楽しみしていました。朝は太陽より早く起きて夜も遅くまで起きて皆様のメッセージを読み続けて返事を書きました。私は皆様のサポートをとても感謝しております。ぶんの思い出を大切に持ち下さったら、最も感謝しております。

皆様いつも有難う御座います。

ぶんの思い出を大切にして下さって

これからもよろしくお願い致します。

ケネスより





Hello everyone,

First I apologize for my intrusion on Bun's blog. I wanted, and indeed did say many things after Bun's death. Many of which seem to have had a lasting effect and have adversely effected people that I hold dear to me. As a result I have learned many things about myself, and life in general.

What I wanted to share with you back then, is not what I want to share with you now. In my life I have never lost someone close to me before. Nor did I know the amount of grief it can cause. What I can say is that I lost track of myself. I didn't know what to do, what to say, I barely understood myself and my own circumstances. As a human being I was broken. My heart and soul were both poured directly into Bun, and for this reason I felt as if my world was shattered. I am extremely grateful to Bun's parents and family for their support. Without it I would likely still be lost.

Bun is my light, she is what I fought for back in America. She is what I fight for now in Japan. I still believe in the pledge that I made to her the day we started dating. She initially refused to date me due to her illness. She said that she is not marriage material because nobody knows how long she might live. I said, “It's better to share joy and sadness together than to never have known you at all. I would rather stick with you and enjoy life.”

Even at the end, she always showed me her smile. It was a wonderful smile, a beautiful smile. Not the type of smile that you typically see on an adult, but that of a small child. It was a genuine smile full of happiness and love. She was the most beautiful soul I have ever met. She is truly an angel. I still have so many mixed feelings about everything that has transpired. I have done a lot of good things, and a lot of stupid things in life. However, now that Bun has passed on, I finally have something that I regret. That is not being able to spend more time with her. I don't think I can ever forget the time we spent together. Nor would I want to.

I always thought I need to strive forward for the one I love. Now more than ever, I still believe this to be true. Therefore, even though Bun is gone I need to continue to strive to be the person worthy of her love. In this sense I will not give up and will continue my struggle as I start life in Japan.

Lastly and most importantly, I would like to thank the readers and supporters of her blog. I believe that it was with your help that Bun was able to get this far. You gave unimaginable strength to her when she needed it the most. Additionally it was you that provided her with the will to continue. She always looked forward to reading your comments every day. Many times late into the night or early in the mornings she would be up reading or writing messages to her you her supporters. I am extremely grateful for your support. I hope that you as well continue to treasure the memories that you have shared.

Thank you for all your support and kindness, let us now and forever keep Bun alive within our hearts.


Kennith



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