***Don't assume I write anything intelligent in here.***


I've recently started using the word "no" more often. It started a couple of weeks ago, when I declined to work for free AGAIN with (basically, FOR) this guy who's nice and all, but his concept of "collaboration" is, basically, ok I decide everything. It continued last week, when I decided to refuse to work for this idiot that thinks it's perfectly normal to lie in order to get a job. I mean, it's just a "contact", but I decided to cut it off. Nope. Then today, when I decided that my time's more important and my proprities well, come first than the ones of those who've never seen me in person, yet think they can dispose of my time as they please.
I've learnt to understand when it's time to say NO. Politely, nicely, but firmly. NO. NEIN. NJET. Usually I'm always like "yeah, why not, it may be fun, it may be useful, I may learn something". Guess what. Not anymore. Possibilities may be countless, but I'm no longer interested in knowing them all, since it's not possible anyway and I'll manage to get only a handful in the end. So why bother when I can't actually be bothered.
I used to talk to (well, almost) anyone willing to talk to me. Not anymore, as most times people talk to you when they want something from you, and well, I'm not going around giving my clothes and shoes for free (well, not anymore at least lol), now do I.
Something I suddenly understood, almost overnight, is that yes, MY time IS precious. I AM PRECIOUS. I'm worth as much as anyone else, and I've got the right to say NO if I feel like it. I used to think that as long as I'm not wasting anything material, it's OK to be at basically anyone's disposal. If I can be of any help, why shouldn't I.
I didn't consider that
1. that awful beast commonly referred to as "people" has a different concept of "asking for help" than I do. They'll ask whenever they can because it's easier to get someone else doing shit for you than getting on your fucking two feet, put your shit together and DO something
2. everything has potential, but NOT everyone's willing to give that potential a form in the material world. Most times nope, and it doesn't depend on you
3. time is the most precious and rare thing I have. I was like, I've got nothing better to do, why not. NO. I have something better to do, I have to be with myself, if I feel like it.
Why should I pretend to be interested when well, I'm not. When I already know that it will be useless, that person is useless to my human experience and can teach me nothing. That job won't add anything to my resume, it will probably damage it. For the past few years I was always open to new opportunities, basically because I thought it could be fun and interesting. I'm afraid that youthful flame died and now I'm more like "screw that, it's useless and a waste of energy, I won't even try".
I'm trying to adopt this less is more way of life, and I'm kind of applying it to personal relationships and social life, too. It's like this capitalistic way of life is eating us alive and it's conditioning even the way we relate to people.
The more the better. "Don't be afraid to say yes, yes is good". No, not at all. SAY NO, no can be good, even better.

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I think I'm a honest person. Not brutally honest, like miseducated arrogant sociopaths our there like to call themselves to justify their obvious lack of manners. I'm honest in a way that I like to keep things clear, I like to tell the truth, I like to give (and to have) a choice. If I don't like something, I say it. If I like something, I say it. If I think something's useless, I say it. If I can't do something, I say it. Using some manners, but still.
Same goes, needless to say, with people. But it's hard. People always get so defensive, thinking I wanna wound their precious pride. Nope. I just can't stand lies. I can't stand fake smiles. I can't understand how one can be all hearts and kisses and awwwww darling it was so awesome working with you/meeting you/getting drunk with you, let's do it again. Then it all becomes a matter of "I'll let you know, we'll see, I'm busy". If you're not stupid you understand, for everyone, at least once in their life, used the excuse "I'm so busy yeah let's catch up as soon as I manage to make some time".
When I wanna do something, I do it. When I don't wanna do something, I don't do it, simple as that (this doesn't, of course, apply to work issues, I mean, work issues with money involved, if it's free work fucking hell I'm gonna work for free if I'm not absolutely enthusiastic about what I'm doing and what I'll get in return, that's a hard lesson I finally managed to grasp).
If I like someone, I'll stick around, if I don't, I make it clear. Sometimes in rude ways, but still.
It's an act of basic respect, you're giving the other person, as well as yourself, a choice. Things are like this, just so you know, take it or leave it. I don't want you around, focus on someone/something else that can give you what you want/need. But no, everyone's always so caring about truth, "I don't wanna hurt no one" blablabla. You're hurting someone treating them like they mean nothing and like idiots, but still leaving them with the doubt that maybe they got it wrong, maybe they're the ones who misunderstood. It's a kind of pain that lasts longer and gets addictive, the kind of pain it's hard to get rid of when everything's, finally, over.
The idiot who said "truth hurts" was obviously a spineless liar.

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Wow what happens, two entries in two days? What?
I'm bored, people. And when I'm bored, I think. Overthink. I focus on the little things because I like to spot all the connections that link everything and everyone to one another. It's like a cobweb of information, the stream never ends and it's exciting when you actually see it and put the pieces of the puzzle together and realize things before anyone else and without anyone's help. Intuition is a wonderful feature of the human experience, we should all spend a little more time and make a little effort to develope it in everyday life. It can actually be dreadful as hell, but what was that saying, "you're afraid of fire, you'd better stay out of the freaking kitchen". More or less.
Nowadays everyone's always babbling about connection. There's a connection. I feel a connection. Then, magically, the connection ends. Like a dead phone, you try to reach the number and the voice says "The dialled number is unavailable". Surprise surprise, no connection anymore.
From my experience, mostly people talk about energy, fields, electricity between two or more beings, deep soul connection, when they have nothing better to come up with to impress chicks. I've never had a woman come to me saying "I feel there's something between me and you blabla". Nope, only men. Usually after I say something about it. Or write something about it. Or, come on, look at me, I obviously look nuts enough for guys to think they can get away with the new age energy blabla thing.
The problem is. Connections and energy do actually exist, You believe it or not. You aknowledge them or not. We're made out of energy, of course there are connections and electricity among us.
I almost always know when someone's worth my time and when not. I say almost because in my case, when I meet someone really relevant I usually hate the person at first sight. Not like, you're negative go away. Nope. More like. You're an arrogant ass I hate you go away. Or. We've got nothing in common, don't even try. Like, opposites that reject one another at first, because the energy from both parties is too high. Then I find out we're like, soulmates. I'm not talking about soulmates in the stupid romantic way books and movies usually use to. I'm talking about souls with some similar paths to follow, at least for a while. But it's rare, happened some two-three times so far and none of us expected anything in the first place. But when someone, usually of the opposite sex, comes up to me and suddenly says something about electricity, the cases are as follows: either they're horny as shit, and the electricity they feel is the one running underneath their underwear, OR they just wanna mindfuck around trying to act all cool and blabla. OR they actually think they're feeling something, because they want to. They need to. In any case, beware of those who look so hyped and awww we're sooooooooo alike blabla after knowing you for like, five minutes. They're the first to stab you in the back, or even in the face, for the matter, when the "connection" is gone.
Because, basically, they're bored. Like me now チョキ
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