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I've been in this kind of creative limbo, so to speak, for the past couple of months or so. I couldn't see what I usually see around me in everyday life, I couldn't see faces nor forms when I looked on the ground on my way to work. I couldn't feel inspired, usually I'm full of ideas for shootings and shit, but I was like, empty. Until a few days ago, when I listened to this album for the first time after like...wait, a couple of months? I was on my way to work, I put this album on, and suddenly the sky was amazing and I couldn't stop looking at the sun and taking pictures, on the ground there were skulls and images and beautiful forms. My creative self started working again. I don't know what it is, it's like my brain waves resonate to the music, it's so cool. I can almost feel the click when that happens lol Call me crazy, I don't mind (and I actually might like it), but I really do think this album is perfection. And no it's not some rock monsterlegendwhateverthatmademusichistory, it's just a rock band from Finland and it's not even that old. It's all about waves. I'm very picky (also) when it comes to music, it has to be exactly in line with my vibes at the moment. I don't know how to explain, but I can feel it, like, you know when you feel there's something wrong and you can't somehow settle and follow the tunes. It always happens, even with songs or artists that have been my fave for the longest time. I can't understand people who listen to the same things for all their lives, although I must say there are a few tunes that always provide me with some good energy. For example, Soundgarden are a must whenever I feel down or drained, the music (not the first works though) calms me down. BUT I also have music I can't stand for fuck's sake, like, I can't stand not even 5 seconds, it drags me down and I feel there's something wrong. I remember especially this one album by The Mars Volta, I don't even remember the title, I got it because my friend said I should listen to it 'cause the singer's voice was amazing. Hell I think I listened to it like once ten years ago, or maybe twelve, and I still remember the horrible feeling it gave me. The first My Chemical Romance has the same effect, and also most pop music nowadays. A few months ago I tried to watch Beyonce's video "Drunk in Love", or something like that. WAAAAA I couldn't even finish it, it screamed BAD ENERGY from the first tunes. Same with Lana del Rey, Lady Gaga and the likes. I can't even say I don't like it, I just don't have the time to realize I liked it or not, my brain just rings DANGER DANGER lol On the other hand, Bob Dylan used to depress me so much and I wouldn't stand a whole album and now I love it and I'm actually happy when I hear someone playing his songs, say, in the street.
There are also tunes that (apparently) give me nothing, so I don't mind listening, but usually I don't even remember what I listened to lol
Music helps me also meditating, believe it or not. I'm not talking about relaxing music, I'm actually talking about the stuff I listen to in my spare time. It puts me in the right mood, lately I've been meditating a lot using G-Dragon's latest album lol and Ed Sheeran's haha!
What about you people, how do you listen to music? Do you feel it like it's some extension of your inner self or what?
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Uh oh, long time no see. Again. Since the doctor put me on a three-four days break from the outside world (my tonsils salute you, dearly), I thought I might as well waste invest this sudden stream of free time I have on my hands updating this desolated lands blog.
Well well well, what can I tell.
April was hard but cool, did lots of interesting stuff and works and I'm still trying to figure out what to do with the outcome. It was hard because I got a couple of not so nice news and generally speaking things didn't go the way I planned so I had to think and think things over. This leads us to May.
May was weird. Like, believe me, just random. Long story short, I suddenly decided to go away for like, six days, turned out I stayed away almost one month. Because you see, when you find yourself in the middle of things, and things are happening, and the energy is high and the people are, well, high as well, you can't go and not see what's up next. So I fucked up my plans back "home", like, entirely (well, not really "fucked up", let's say I had to choose between a few doors and I didn't choose the easiest ones, so to speak), and I stayed a little longer to see the developements. To, uhm, plant a few seeds and hopefully they'll grow into big, huge trees one day? You gotta start somewhere, someone said. "I can resist anything except temptation", my life long idol Oscar Wilde stated. And hell it's the case. It was well worth it, I'd do it again and I probably will soon lol
Then back here, work, stop, work, and my body decided to crash down. I haven't felt quite OK for a few days now, like I can't sleep at night and I sleep way too much in the day time and my mood is so down if I dug a hole in the ground and hid myself down there, it would be an improvement. But Tuesday was so bad. I went to the doctor's and she said "Oh yeah it's this virus that lasts one day, you'll be better tomorrow, not all OK but quite". My ass. I had to go back yesterday and she filled me with medicines to take and rest for at least three days. I'm not happy, so not happy. But ha, whatever. The fact that I found out that one of the doors I kept open because I'm an idiot I like to keep my word even when it means sticking around assholes going against my own interest is actually the first door I should have shut for good obviously contributes to this general...uhm...whatever it is. BUT! Nevermind, we still have Milan Man Fashion Week and the city is floaded with hot sexy young not so young whatever guys from everywhere and it's basically eye candy everytime I head to basically ANYWHERE, so well, it could be worse. This is my inner Oscar Wilde speaking, I'm afraid. Or maybe Paris Hilton?
So yeah, I'm just counting the days like an inmate in some Colombian prison.
Meanwhile, I just think I miss Japan so bad I'd fly there tomorrow, even tonight. And, last but no least, I know it's not Japanese, it's Korean (shit I haven't watched my Korean drama in like one month and everytime I'm like "Yeah I should watch it just to see how it ends" and then I end up watching The Big Bang Theory as usual), but still...YAY for TEAM H's brand new video!!


I like their first songs better, but uhm, it's Jang Keun Suk, he can do whatever he wants lol
グッド!
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Oops I did it again. You know by now I never make plans, plans are boring. Not entirly true. I'm just totally unable to commit to anything and anyone if it's not, like, for some vital reason. Like if someone's about to die, about to be fired, if I really care. That is to say, sadly, it's a quite rare condition. And even then, my brain just won't collaborate and my mind starts spinning around and I see all these possibilities and I'm like fuck off, I'm gonna change my plans because if I don't I will regret it. I know myself way too well and I know I may go through hell for a few hours/days acting this recklessly, but the option is feeling miserable for months. For no reason, anyway. No thanks. To some people, this feels like freedom. Well, maybe to most people. They're stuck with their repetitive lives and jobs and families and they probably find this fascinating. Scary, but fascinating. Let me tell you something. Freedom comes with a price. A ridiculously high price, and not everyone can afford it. Both literally and metaphorically speaking. And it's not something you choose, it's much rather something that chooses you. Once you feel the urge to do something you either do it, or get depressed, You experience the highest happiness, but the lowest sadness and loneliness as well. I tried so many times to be, like, normal, I tried to get a "normal" job, with "normal" hours and holidays and stuff, but I doesn't work with me. Also because I seem to attract all kinds of weird, unusual people and stuations, who knows. I guess it's Law Of Attraction, you attract what you put out in the Universe, who knows. But it's the only way I know, I can do not much about it. So uhm, when my friend said that in his next life he wants to be free, I said yes, but I thought about it and I came up with this stream of consciousness instead グッド!
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