***Don't assume I write anything intelligent in here.***



Empathy is a gift and I've been blessed with it for a few years now. I was not understanding, patient, able to actually understand and feel what people around me felt. In fact, until my late twenties I was the coldest piece of shit ice you can imagine. I didn't care because I didn't actually see. Then something changed and I've spent the following years feeling a lil' bit too much. I became patient. At work all the difficult, and by difficult I mean mentally challenged, clients where all mine. I could carry on up to six hours following the delirious ideas of the most ridiculous individuals from all over the world. I became caring, people started calling me sweet. Asking for my advice, following what I said. Leeching my energy like I was a can of Red Bull. It's draining, it's fucking draining. But if I can do something to make someone else's situation even slighter bearable well, why not. But there's a moment when you have to stop. There's a moment when you have to take the risk and probably end up looking like a cold hearted bitch, because we all know if you're not a whiner, if you don't complain and cry every two seconds, if you don't talk shit about the bad guys who treat you like shit with no apparent reason well, you're one of the bad guys yourself. Guess what. Who fucking cares. It was recently brought to my attention that the majority of the young ladies around here may or may not think I'm a bitch. "They're perfectly right", that's my answer. There's a song I've been listening to for a few weeks now, it gives me strenght and a certain dose of rage when I need to remember that hey bitch, I come first, you should all take a listen and think that yes, that's exactly the right thing to do:


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So many things have changed since the last time I wrote here. There was storm, shit storm, and then sun. And then storm again. And then sun again. Like a rollercoaster, or just like what you can call Summer in Scandinavia. As usual, problems like to knock at your door all together, because the more the guests, the bigger the party, when all you wanna do is just stay in watching cheesy tv shows and eating junk food.


People. Lots of people. Old and new. I've met so many new friends in so many unexpected ways. I've made up with old friends. And I understood one thing. If someone wants to be in your life, if someone wants to see you, if you're important to someone, they'll make the extra effort to be around. They'll do whatever they can to keep you around. They'll walk that infamous extra mile, literally, to cross your path as much as possible. They'll come to smelly weird rock bars they probably don't even like to spend just one hour with you. They'll come eat at your restaurant even if they live 30 minutes away and they have to wake up early the next morning just to have a few drinks afterwards. They'll give you their apartment key to help a friend in need at 2am on a Wednesday night. They'll drive six hours from another country to spend a weekend with you. They'll swallow their pride, after you've tore it apart one too many times, to start talking to you again after the last fight. These are the people worth keeping around, these are the people you can call friends. Words must always match actions, otherwise they're meaningless.


Work. Lots of work. Lots of people at work. Lots of new things learnt. Including the art of being incredibly nice while all you wanna do is murder murder homicide!. I didn't remember customer service was so draining, that's why I avoided it for the past five years. But still it's fun, I'm grateful.


Family. Up and down. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I'm doing it now more than ever, it works. But still, it's hard. For the first time in my life I miss my family. I really do. For the first time in my life I look forward to going on holiday not to visit a new, exotic city, but to go back to my hometown to spend some quality time with my family. I guess I've matured, or I'm just an old boring sentimental fuck.


Health/beauty. Hahahahaha. Let's just say I'm on a liquid diet at the moment. Again. And my hair's back to black, just like in 2008. Next time I even dream of going blonde just remind me how incredibly hotter and, let's say it, young I look with black, wavy locks.

I've tried to become a selfie whore, it didn't work.


Love/affairs. Hahahahahahahaha. I've had fun, now it's time to retire. Don't even think about that, ever.


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"From your Facebook blablabla". I get this a lot. "From your Facebook you hate the world", "From your Facebook you're a mean bitch and proud of it", "From your Facebook I'd never tell you're shy", "From your Facebook I see you're a model", "From your Facebook blablabla".
I admit it, if I didn't know myself and stumbled across my own Facebook page, I'd think it's a fake page run by this middle age geek named Ned, socially awkward weirdo, vaguely creepy who likes to collect pictures of pretty ladies and whose sense of humor never passed 5th grade.
Luckily for me I don't usually "add" people I don't know to my networks, I mean, I always try to be sure we met/talked at least once beforehand. And usually my answer to the "Do you have Facebook? Can I add you?" is always "Are you sure you want me as your Facebook friend? My page is...embarrassing". They never believe me until they see it, then the "From your Facebook" thing.
What strikes me is this thing that people, I mean, even those who actually spoke to me in real life, seem to be quite impressed by the fact that I have a brain and I use it. I actually like to use it a lot, probably more than I should. They're like woah I didn't expect you to have so many interestes, I didn't expect you to talk about such things blabla.
Yeah I know right, we live in a world of stereotypes and clichè of any kind, one is if you look a certain way then you're stupid as shit, another if you dress like that then of course you like a certain kind of music and imagery, if you listen to a kind of music or go to a kind of place then how can you be interested in other music and other places as well. If you have this chronic bitch face it means you're a sad person. If you're laughing all the time if means you're a joker and shallow (Pacey from "Dawson's Creek" and Steve from "Beverly Hills 90210", anyone? They were the idiots, they ended up being the most interesting and deep characters, just saying). If you're skinny blabla. If you're fat blabla. If you like tattoos then why you don't get big tattoos, what's the point in getting small, hidden tattoos. If you're nice and polite and friendly and you're a (perceived by society as) beautiful single woman in a niglt club, of course you're looking for dick, of course men are allowed to make dirty jokes and you'd be flattered because hey, a random cunt finds you sexually appealing (well it doesn't really matter if they find fuckable anything with two legs, well, sometimes one is enough, and boobs, possibly alive, possibly relatively young, meaning younger than their grandmother). You're a woman so you should shut up when the alpha male says so. You can't raise your voice, you're being rude, although it's a lot ruder calling nicknames someone you've met a couple of times and you basically know nothing about.
From YOUR Facebook, people, most times I get the idea of idiots, attention seeking whores, horny 40yo teenagers who've never seen a vagina apart from their mom's when they came to this world. I see wannabes who try so hard to give the world an image of themselves it doesn't mirror reality. I see girls desperately seeking for the likes they think will make them feel good about the distorted image they have of their bodies. And I see lot more. But I don't stop and first impression, if I did I would have even less friends that I already have.
So my question is. Why can't you just do the same? Silence is better than bullshit べーっだ!
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