***Don't assume I write anything intelligent in here.***


I've just realized how bad my character is. Seriously, I'm a real bitch. I'm not acknowledging it with pride, I'm admitting it with shame.
I'd like to do something like in "My Name is Earl", you know, a list of all the people I wronged due to my bitchy cat-like nature and truly apologize to them.
The first name on the list would be the one of that amazing guy who even came to pick me up at Gatwick and basically travelled a total amount of 3 hours on a crowded train, standing. Just to see me. Just to make sure I'd arrive at my hostel safe and sound. Just to spend as much time as possible with me.
He came to pick me up at my hostel and walked me back everytime we met because he didn't want me to get lost (I was staying at a five minutes metro ride from Oxford Circus, how could I possibly get lost).
He found for me that super good okonomiyaki place I wanted to go to after 12 years since the first (and last) time I went there. I didn't even remember the name, I just vaguely recalled it was around British Museum. He found it, he didn't even like it, but he ate that goddamn okonomiyaki. After that we went to the supermarket to buy some more food lol.
He took me to Dover Street Market because he knew I love Comme des Garcons to pieces. And still, I doubted him. I was sarcastic all the time.
I cannot blame him if he ran away, I would have done the same lol. I apologized already, but I was being ironic so I don't think that counts.
There are a few reasons why I ended up being like this though. OK now that I remember I've always been like this, it was better for a few years and now I'm back to my bad habit of not trusting anyone because, yeah, you know, reasons. People. But like that guy from earlier told me once, "you're so used to assholes that now you think everyone is one and you cannot trust not even nice people with good intentions". True.
I don't wanna be one of those bitter idiots who blame eveyone but themselves for their shitty behaviour "oh you know I suffered so it's normal I'm this way", nope. It's not a valid excuse. I don't either wanna be one of those selfish pathetic excuses for human beings that first hurt you and then think that saying "I'm sorry" will settle everything. And then they do it again. And again. Nope. So bear with me. I wanna do my best to be a decent human being with my flaws and all but I don't wanna burden others with those flaws while I try to fix them.
So. Mm. I don't even know where to start.
I apologize.
Super fun!
いいね!した人  |  コメント(0)
最近の画像つき記事  もっと見る >>

I've just had possibly the worst, and I really mean it, the WORST week in ages. And when I say ages it's no joke. I don't think I've had something even remotely comparable to the shitstorm that hit me in the past seven days since last year this time. And we all know last year this time was awful. Really, really, ridiculously awful. I've just checked out, it's Mercury Retrograde, silly me for not thinking about it.
It's true what they say, bad news come all together (or well, that's what we say in my country). Bad news and bad events.
It all started some ten days ago, with a very unpleasant encounter. It was not totally unexpected, it's just that sometimes life presents itself in such ridiculous and embarrassing ways you're psychologically not ready to face it, even though you imagined that moment so many times in your head and you're sure you'd know what to do and what to say. But no. Some people are so shameless, prideless, spineless, everything -less that you're caught by surprise. Off-guard. They win the battle not because they're smarter or stronger, but actually because they're stupid and weak. So yeah, let's say this unfortunate event made my week end up in misery and the week ahead started already in the worst way possible.
The best was yet to come and then you get to a point where you're so used to so many bad things all taking place at the same time that you're of course almost wishing for the worst. I mean, if something good happens, it's obviously because something catastrophic is just around the corner, in the dark, waiting to eat you alive. So things don't go as expected and in your head you jump to conclusions, you're looking for solutions for something that might never happen, but in your head it's happening already. The hypothetical future is, in fact, bullet proof present. Almost past. And your mood keeps dropping and dropping. Human mind, I love you.
I'm not someone who publicly talks about what's bothering her, usually you understand I'm having a bad time because my face is, like, this resting bitch face people like to joke about. Bitch the struggle is real. So yeah, only a couple of people know what's going on and a couple of people could realize I was not OK and tried to cheer me up, and I'm forever grateful.
I like to see life as a school and every experience is meant to teach me something. Every coin has two faces, you know. This week I learnt a few things as well:
first of all, your current situation can change overnight. One day you're someone, you're something, your life is going in an almost specific direction. The next day everything can change, you can even wake up dead for what you know.
Second: learn to stop, breath and don't let panic take you over. Critical, logical and pragmatic spirit. Cold blood. There's always a solution.
Third: don't jump to conclusions. Ask questions. Do what it needs to be done in order to verify an event. If you don't know the truth you can't find a suitable solution.
Fourth: recognize true friends. People who really care for you. They're not the ones who tell you how much they love you, they're the ones who show you without you even realizing it. They're the ones who make coffee for you when they see you down, they make reasearch for you to help you, spend time with you because if you're alone you drown in your own anguish. They're the ones who make you laugh no matter what.
They're rare, that's why they're so precious.
This week taught me to figure out who the true valid people in my life are at the moment, and who are the talkers. It was horrible, but necessary.
Fifth: laugh, be silly, make a list of all the cute things you wanna buy, look drop dead gorgeous, drink tea, eat chocolate and watch the cheesiest, cutest and most romantic K-drama you can think of for the 464746th time, it's scientifically proven it will lift your mood. No one's too cool for cheesy romance when they're feeling down.

いいね!した人  |  コメント(0)

Aloha beautiful people.
Almost three months since last time, woah!
Well, actually I've been willing to write something for weeks, but then new things happened and then I went on a three days trip with my friend and we saw some cool gigs by some cool Swedish fellas and then I went to Tokyo with my brother and then he got engaged and then I started working and then I was basically dead meanwhile I was basically hooked up by this super hot model on IG and we chatted for a couple of months and I went to London to see him and for a couple of days we were a couple but I felt there was something wrong like he didn't really like me I didn't really like me there's too much fish in the sea I told him (not the fish part) he got mad said he needed to think meanwhile I had fun with other friends while in London so I basically told him it was not necessary to keep up this thing I think he got mad I haven't heard of him ever since. And. I moved to funland for a few months. Basically. Oh I forgot the funeral. I lost an important member of my family and it took me a while to realise it. And I was a full time nurse/housewife for a whole week. That made me realise I will never ever get married. So yeah, lots of stuff. I also managed to squeeze in a couple of shoots as a stylist and a couple as a model. No wait, more than a couple. And. My hair is a different, lighter color. Again. For summer, you know.
So yeah, that's a lot huh?
Now I'm here, watching dramas and trying to figure out what to do with my existance in the next couple of months or so. To begin with. Uh I also forgot the funniest part, he death of my laptop. Which is actually back to life with an other heart, but he lost his memory. Bad bad case of amnesia. I basically lost everything from the past, say, three years? How fun. I don't really care, it means I have to let go of the past. Move on. My all white, empty room proves it. It's the Universe telling me to let go of all unnecessary burdersome memories and people and feelings. New day, new life, new mindset. Ah wait, did I mention that one time I got home after like 12 hours at work and I accidentally cut my thumb and it started bleeding and kept bleeding for a couple of hours and I had to go to the er at 1am and I had to be at work at 9am and I couldn't use my left hand for three weeks and how fun it is to work with clothes using just one hand? Yeah right.
Ah this summer's been interesting so far, so many interesting facts to share.
いいね!した人  |  コメント(0)






  • 総合
  • 新登場
  • 急上昇