2 more weeks.

and now it's time for me to return to my shell.

i wish time can stand still because i don't want to know what the future holds for me right now.

but i want these 2 weeks to end fast, it's every day seems to getting longer and more unbearable.

but soon i'll be back to my old self :) not that it's a good thing though :) but closing up seems very alluring to me right now.

"without me, my mother would not have a son, my wife would not have a husband, and my sister would not have a brother. that's how important a part i play in this world."

i just read this paragraph in the papers.

i am almost on the verge of crying.

all the time i feel like a liability to everyone. i wish there can be one day i can confidently say that without me, my parents would not have a daughter, my brother would not have a sister and my friends would not have a friend like me.

"there are definitely way
that u made people ard u smile
think abt ur parents
i am sure
they are glad to have u as their daighter"

my friend said this to me a few days ago. and i cried.

now that i am reading it again, i have just started crying.

i really wish this is true.

i owe a big debt to my parents i can never repay. i only cause trouble and waste their money time and effort and cause them to worry a lot.

everyday i feel like a complete wreck.

i can't control my emotions well and i am very weak.

i wish there will come a time when i can finally make the people around me smile and not just give people around me endless disappointments.

i feel like eveyone's moving forward and im left behind drowning in my own sea of hopelessness.

can i be deluded?

i should be deluded!

it makes me happy :) reality doesn't make me happy, my happy delusions do.

"
｢樹威｣という名前は、例えどんなにでっかい嵐が来ても、いつまでも倒れない威厳のある一本の大樹でありたいという意味を込めて、中学生ぐらいの時から決めてた。
"

i should learn to be a stronger person too, i think i am very immatured right now.

but i really feel deluded right now.

didjuireadmyquestion?wasthattheanswertomyquestion?

maybe not, but can i pretend it is?

(´∀｀)



with esther and rourou!

hello!

tomorrow is a holiday.

holidays are the best!

i am so happy that i need not work on a weekday!!

i am deprived of holidays. i need more holidays!

ah.

i love jui's voice! i hope jui will be able to sing again one day~ i'd die without jui's voice. i go crazy over jui's voice everyday i love love love love vidoll and i cannot live without vidoll.

i lead a really meaningless life. i live only because i am afraid to die.

it's my dream to sleep for one entire day! i wish i can sleep for one entire day! but my parents probably won't allow me, they'll start nagging if i wake up later than 2pm or so. and i'd suffer from a bad headache too, so it's a distant dream.

the more people i see, the more i feel that im lacking in every aspect.

these few days i have been feeling really sleepy at work. for the first few weeks of my work i was very awake, but for the last 2 weeks i am close to falling asleep after lunch although there are things to do and my work is not boring. i think i really need to catch up on sleep.

im too sleepy right now. byebye~

was at the apple store with rh and esther yesterday. photobooth is fun!




anyway i went home and played photobooth on my dad's macbook pro. but the lighting at home wasn't very good so i didn't save any pictures.

but the macbook pro kept on electrocuting me!!! i'd get shocked say every 20 seconds or so don't like it. my dad doesn't get shocked! only me! :( stupid macbook.

ah i wish i had a webcam for my own computer.